Rivelle had spent the better part of the last two days trying to explain things to her mother and father. The truth was though, she wasn’t even sure she was explaining it well. How do you convince others that what you experience when you’re seemingly sleeping isn’t a dream?
“Are you sure you weren’t just experiencing a nightmare?” Delig asked, pleading in his voice. He was clearly desperate to have none of it be true so his Rivelle could stay the young daughter he needed to care for. Frustrated, Rivelle was finding it more and more difficult to be around him. They’d barely shared a word at dinner, or cleaning up afterward. Disheartened and unable to sleep, Rivelle snuck out and walked along the side of the barn, feeling the warm night air blow through her thin garment. A few hairs loose from her braid tickled her face but she ignored them. She counted the usual steps to the barn door, and then slowly and quietly pushed it open. She heard one of the horses squeal in surprise. She made soothing noises as she closed the door behind her and walked over to the horse.
“Djoro,” she whispered as her hand found his snout and began rubbing it. “It’s okay,” she whispered and pulled his head closer to hers. She rested her head on his and immediately his tension released. She smiled and petted his neck. “As much as you are fathers, you love me best, don’t you?” She smiled and giggled. It was true. Though typically too large a horse for a young girl, she and Djoro seemed to understand one another, have some sort of connection. Rivelle often used it to tease her father as he’d seemed somewhat hurt by the fact that Djoro liked her better. It was like a little game. “But how would he feel if I actually took you away?” She asked aloud as she continued petting his neck. Djoro snorted at her, a sign of a happy horse, and she smiled. “You’re probably right,” she told him. “He’d like that I’d have you to keep me safe.” She stepped back and turned to retrieve an apple from the basket kept just out of Djoro’s reach. She grabbed a couple and moved back to his side. Djoro immediately started sniffing her, aware she had a treat. She laughed and held one out in her flat and open palm. His velvety lips tickled as they gently brushed her hand to take the apple from her. “Are you ready to go on an adventure?” She asked, listening as he chewed the apple to bits before swallowing. Before he was done, he started sniffing for the other apple. She giggled and held it out of reach. Djoro nickered at her and she laughed. She always loved these interactions with him. No matter what was happening in her life, she felt safe, warm, and loved, when she was with Djoro. He nickered again, and motioned to bite her, though he never would. “Ok, ok!” She gave in and held the apple out. His mouth reached her hand and his teeth quickly grabbed onto it. She felt a sudden warmth on her hand as she felt Djoro’s saliva pour out onto it. “Ew!” She yelled out, laughing. She wiped the drool off her hand and onto her garment. “We’d have fun, wouldn’t we?” She continued playfully, petting his neck and face. Djoro nuzzled his snout into her neck, and even though his nose was somewhat cold, it was still comforting. “We’d take care of each other,” she announced as though trying to convince the horse, though it was likely in trying to convince herself. Djoro sniffed around her. “I haven’t any more apples,” she told him. “But I’ll do my best to ensure we have plenty when we’re on the road,” she promised, unsure how she could keep such a promise. Just like she wouldn’t be able to promise her mother and father that she’d be safe if she left. She was already battling with the vision she’d had of herself dying at the hands of the woman with flames of darkness. She seemed very powerful and called herself the light. What did that even mean? And if she hadn’t killed her, would she have been forced to marry that strange marked boy? Chills ran up and down her spine.
“Rivelle?” She nearly jumped out of her skin. It was her father, though she hadn’t heard him come in. He was one of the few who could still sneak up on her. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She continued petting Djoro.
“I’m sorry I’m out of bed. I couldn’t sleep,” she explained, worried he was angry with her. He’d never been comfortable with her sneaking into the barn at night. Even less so since she’d lost her sight. She heard him move toward her.
“It’s alright,” he told her. “I understand. I couldn’t sleep either.” She felt Djoro move at his touch and then could hear his fingers sliding along the other side of Djoro’s neck. They stood in silence for some time. Rivelle wasn’t certain whether her father expected her to speak, to try and explain more, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. “I suspect you’re going to leave us soon,” he suddenly broke the silence and she didn’t know what to say. Had he heard her talking to Djoro? “Call it intuition, if you wish. And I haven’t said anything to Mimsy.” Rivelle felt her shoulders relax a bit. “I’m glad I got you alone,” he said, turning toward her. He sighed. “I was there when the incident with the man, Zerik, happened. I fell too,” he told her. She scrunched up her face in confusion, unsure what he meant. “When I tried to pull you away from him… Your hands were so tightly gripped to his face. I couldn’t… I couldn’t pull you off. There seemed to be this invisible force locking you to one another. Some sort of…”
“Father…”
“And then I fell. I don’t know if it was unconscious, asleep, or if I died for a moment, but I can tell you I was no longer in that room. The Counsel house was gone, as were those in it, including you. I was suddenly… alone. Very alone.”
“Father…”
“Let me finish,” he pleaded and cleared his throat. His voice sounded different, as though it was a strain to continue. Was he getting emotional? How much she wished she could see his face and discern what he was feeling. She finally nodded. “All that’s happened this last long while… it has shattered my core, Rivelle.” She was confused and wanted to ask what he meant, but didn’t want to interrupt. “When you lost your sight…”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Rivelle assured him. Not for the first, or likely last, time.
“It’s not that,” he told her. “It’s beyond that.” He moved closer and she felt him take her hand. “I had a simple and carefree young life,” he started. “I was happy in my ignorance about the rest of what existed. Happy in our little town, and I built a life so that all that mattered to me was in this little town.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rivelle told him.
“I didn’t think so for the longest time. In fact, I created the same kind of life for you, your brothers and sisters. A simple and carefree life. But is it really carefree if that freedom and ease stems from ignorance?”
“Father, what are you talking about? I don’t understand.” He let go of her hand, clearly frustrated as she could hear him sigh and begin pacing.
“There is more out there. There is more to the world than Kolrest and our community. There is good, and bad.”
“Father…” He ran back to stand in front of her and took her hands in his, squeezing them.
“Something is coming, Rivelle. Do you see? I believe you. When I… fell. I saw and felt things.”
“What things?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her. “I can’t explain it, certainly not any better than you’ve tried to explain to us. But whatever it is, it’s big. Life changing! And living in carefree ignorance in Kolrest will not protect us.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I understand,” he explained. “I’m saying perhaps losing your sight wasn’t a strange incident that just came from nowhere. Perhaps it was fate.”
“You’ve said that before,” Rivelle reminded him. “I thought you believed it was fate so that I could help Kolrest. Assist others in discerning what’s wrong with their animals, and helping the counsel discover truths that couldn’t be heard.” He let go of her hands and sighed.
“I know what I said,” he reprimanded her. “I was sorting out how I felt about it all in hopes that I could find a positive solution to a strange and new challenge. I was trying to make sense of things without having to look beyond Kolrest. But now…” he paused, as though unsure what to say next. “You’re bigger than Kolrest, Rivy. I don’t think these strangers are just passing through. I don’t think it's a coincidence that they are here.”
“What do you mean?” Rivelle questioned, still very confused. She heard her father take a deep breath and then let it out with a loud moan.
“I’m terrified to say what I feel must be said,” he confided and again, she could hear the strain in his voice. She moved toward him again and raised her hands to reach for his face. He gently grabbed her wrists and guided them. His face was wrinkled. She could feel the tension that constricted his muscles and could envision the pained look on his face. She brushed her fingertips along his forehead to try and ease the tension, feeling some of it wane as he took another deep breath. She let her hands fall to his cheeks and could feel the wetness from his tears. She quickly let go and hugged him, finding comfort and peace in his arms. He squeezed her so tightly against his chest. “My Rivelle,” he choked.
“Father!’ She squeezed him back. They held each other tightly for some time until the silence was finally broken. Her father pushed her back and brought a hand to her face, caressing her cheek.
“As I said, my core has been shattered. I no longer feel confident that what I know or do is best. I believe you are destined for greater things than helping Kolrest and our Counsel.” He lowered his hand. “Even though I don’t know what that means.”
“Either do I, father,” she confessed. “But I agree. I think my fate is somehow linked to this Zerik and Soliyah.”
“Soliyah? Who is that?”
“And the woman with flames of darkness.” She heard her father sigh and Djoro whinnied. Rivelle stepped to his side and began petting his nose. So soft. “I can’t be certain what leaving with them, or meeting her, will mean for me, but I feel it’s what I must do.” Silence hung in the air, heavy and thick. Rivelle could feel her chest tighten, and tears well up in her eyes as she thought of leaving her home, her family. The more she reflected on what she’d experienced, the more she believed she may die if she left. But still, she felt strongly that it was what she must to do, despite being afraid. She wished she could share her fear with her mother and father, but knew better than to do so. There was simply no way they’d let her leave if they knew about it.
“Well,” her father took a deep breath and she could feel him petting Djoro and Djoro snorted a happy snort, pleased to be getting so much attention. “We mustn’t tell your mother.” Rivelle wanted to respond but didn’t know what to say. “In fact,” she felt and heard him turn towards her. “Don’t tell me either. I’d rather not have to lie to her, or the counsel.” Rivelle nodded. She heard her father step toward her and welcomed his kiss on her forehead. His lips were warm, but she could feel tension behind them. He was clearly still struggling with his emotions. She wished she could do or say something to help alleviate his stress and fears, but knew there was nothing to say. “Good night, daughter,” he whispered, and then turned and began walking out of the barn.
“Good night,” she called after him. She stood still, lost in thought, perhaps in shock, at what had just occurred. Was that a form of permission for her to leave? Would he not follow her, or allow her mother or anyone else to follow her either? Her heart began to race, excited and terrified at the prospect. There was even a small part of her that felt disappointed. A part of her that wished her father would hold her back, want to keep her safer for longer, but it didn’t matter. The truth was, it would only impede her efforts and force them to part ways feeling more fear, and likely anger, in her leaving. A tear rolled down her cheek as her heart swelled in gratitude. She patted Djoro’s nose once more and kissed him. “Good night, Djoro.”
Despite her having resolved to leave with her new ‘friends’, Rivelle found it more challenging than she anticipated. She didn’t know what to bring, and her mess of emotions was allowing her to find all sorts of reasons to stall her plans. It had been a few days since she’d spoken with her father in the barn, and still she remained at home. She’d tried communicating with Zerik a few times, to try and plan their escape, but to no avail. She’d even tried to go and visit him, but the counsel wouldn’t reveal where he, or Soliyah, were being held. She’d walked around town dozens of times, hoping she could source out where they were, but again, to no avail. She was about ready to give up.
She stood in her room alone. Her bed was made. Her floor clean, except for the bag she had hidden under her bed, ready to go whenever she could finally muster up the courage. She stood still, and could feel the air become cooler as the sun went down outside. The wind that blew in through her open window smelled of oncoming rain, though she couldn’t be sure if it would come this night, or tomorrow. She walked over to her window and took a deep breath. It was certainly fresh and thick. Likely it would start to rain in a few hours, she surmised. She closed the window and turned to her bed. She heard her door open and stopped.
“Rivelle?” It was her mother. “Are you readying for bed already?” Rivelle nodded and walked over to sit on her bed. She could hear her mothers footsteps coming toward her window. She closed the lock and shook the frame to ensure it was secure. “It looks like there could be a storm,” she explained. “Be sure to keep an extra blanket, in case it gets very cold.”
“I’ll pull it from the chest,” Rivelle promised.
“I can do it for you if you’d like.”
“No,” Rivelle shook her head. “I’ve got it. Thanks.” Her mother’s footsteps circled the room and stopped at Rivelle’s side.
“Good night, Rivy,” she whispered and kissed her forehead.
“Good night, Mimsy.” She waited until she heard her door close and her mother’s steps recede down the hall. She walked over to the chest at the foot of her bed and took out a thick blanket, throwing it on the end of her bed. She changed out of her clothing and was about to change into her sleeping garment for warm nights when she decided against it. Instead, she opted to wear her warmer sleeping garments, a thick pair of leggings and a long and warm over shirt. She climbed into bed and waited for sleep to come. Some hours later, she was still tossing and turning, her mind reeling when she heard a strange noise. But it wasn’t a noise for all to hear. She sat upright and held her breath in silence to wait for the sound again. The house was completely silent, though she could hear a strong wind gusting through the streets and trees outside. And suddenly, there it was again, but only she could hear it. She could tell because the sound felt like it was coming from the same place one would hear their own heartbeat. And there was no describing the noise. To Rivelle, it just sounded and presented as red and orange, though she didn’t know what it meant. She slowly rose from her bed, thankful to be wearing her warm garments. She allowed breath to come back to her, though she kept it slow and quiet. She moved to the window and heard an even louder noise that forced green into her thoughts. Somehow, she knew it was Djoro. Without hesitation, she reached under her bed and grabbed her bag. She quickly and quietly exited her room and went into the kitchen, grabbing what food she could that wouldn’t spoil or rot too quickly. The noises echoed in her mind even louder this time. She quickly pushed her feet into her boots and moved out without tying them. She took a few steps away from the house and stopped. She wished she could look back and see the house, see if any of her family were watching her out the window, anyone she could wave goodbye to. Instead, she pictured it and tears began to form behind her eyes. The green noise bellowed in her mind once more and she shook her emotions aside.
When she reached the barn, the door was slightly ajar and she could hear whispered voices inside. The red and orange sounds were less forceful in her mind. She stuck her head in, “Zerik?” She called out. Somehow, she knew it was him, and likely his friend, Soliyah. She entered the rest of the way into the barn and heard Djoro squeal. Her mind filled with a dark and uncomfortable green.
“Zerik! Where are you going?” A woman’s voice whispered harshly. Red. Zerik was suddenly at her side. Orange. “Zerik! Get back here!” Red. “We don’t have time for this. We must go.” She felt Zerik take her hand and squeeze it. Rivelle squeezed it in return, hoping they were understanding one another. He let her hand go, put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed before letting go and turning back to Soliyah. “Are you mad? There’s absolutely no way she’s coming with us!” Red, but clearly Zerik had understood what needed to happen. The two continued to argue in silence while Djoro gave slight squeals of discomfort. Green. Rivelle walked over to his stall, shushed him and began petting him. Almost immediately, the green turned from the dark and uncomfortable to a lighter one.
“It’s alright,” she assured him. “They’re not taking you.” Djoro groaned in agreement. “I am.”
“Absolutely not!” Soliyah whispered as harshly as possible. Bright Red. “It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t care what you dreamed.”
“It wasn’t a dream!” Rivelle asserted. “I…”
“You can’t both speak to me at the same time. Hush girl!” Red. Rivelle quieted though, realizing the two were still communicating in their special way.
“Zerik, I implore you…” Soliyah started but stopped. Clearly Zerik hadn’t finished. Rivelle turned back to Djoro and kissed his snout. She slowly, and carefully walked to the wall where her saddle waited. She took it down and walked back to Djoro’s side. As if in anticipation and understanding, Djoro moved to make it easier for her to reach him. She placed the saddle onto his back and smiled as green flowed into her mind and heart.
“I get it,” she whispered to Djoro. “You’re green. How peculiar.” She gave a little laugh as she secured the saddle and readied to climb.
“And just what do you think you’re doing?” Soliyah called out to her. Rivelle kept both feet on the ground and turned toward the voice. Red.
“I don’t need your permission to take my horse out and go for a ride,” she explained.
“Oh but you need it if you think you’re coming with us!” She heard a few heavy footsteps coming toward her, but didn’t move. The red quickly turned to orange, and the footsteps stopped. “If you’re wrong, Zerik. If we’re wrong. It could mean her life.” Rivelle wanted to interject that it could mean her life whether they were right or wrong, but didn’t want to interrupt or think it wise to alert Soliyah to all she’d witnessed. They all stood, seemingly in silence, for a little while until finally. “Fine,” Soliyah blurted and the red dulled to a softer shade. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” she mumbled and Rivelle couldn’t be certain if it was meant for her, or Zerik. “Let’s go!” Rivelle turned back to Djoro and climbed onto his back. She heard Soliyah climb onto what she assumed was her horse and Zerik get on behind her.
“You can take Bodja, if you’d like,” Rivelle offered.
“What is Bodja? Soliyah asked. Rivelle turned and pointed to the stall Bodja usually rested in.
“She was my brother's horse,” Rivelle explained. “He left her when he moved into his own home. She isn’t young, but she’s strong and energetic.” She heard Zerik climb down off of Soliyah’s horse and move to the stall. Bodja gave a quick squeal and Rivelle once again saw a dark green. “Pat her between the eyes. She likes that,” Rivelle instructed. Muffled movement could be heard and the green turned lighter.
“Let’s go before her mother or father come down,” Soliyah whispered hurriedly.
“They won’t,” Rivelle assured them. “But still, we shouldn’t linger. Zerik?” She called him even though he couldn’t answer. “Once you’ve saddled her, climb up on her left side. She’s jumpy on the right.” After a moment or two, she heard Zerik climb onto Bodja’s back. The barn door was ajar just enough for them to get through with the horses. “Let’s go,” Rivelle half-yelled to build up confidence enough to go through with it. She squeezed her legs, giving Djoro the signal to move forward. Without hesitation, he led them all out of the barn.
The cool night air felt really good on her skin, and Rivelle was grateful to be wearing her warmer garments. Her braid was being tossed about behind her and she could feel it like a gentle whip on her back. She couldn’t help but laugh, as excited as she was. The green, orange, and red colors were all bright and almost flashing, as though happy and excited also. There was a small voice in the back of her mind alerting her to the realities of the situation. She’d likely die on this quest, or whatever it was. She’d likely never see her family again. The voice begged her to look back, as though she’d be able to see home and her family for real, but she ignored it. Even when images of them flooded her mind, she gripped Djoro’s reigns, laughed, and barreled down deeper into the saddle, pushing him to run faster. She didn’t even realize it had started raining until she struggled to hear Soliyah yelling at her. Her voice was hard to hear over the raindrops hitting her face, the saddle, and the loud splatting sound they made hitting the earth below her. Djoro finally stopped and turned to wait for Bodja and the other horse to catch up. When they did, Rivelle smiled.
“We’re headed South, to Efevra, right?” She yelled out to Soliyah and Zerik. Red.
“Yes, but there’s no need to alert every living creature between here and there along the way. You’ve a lot to learn if you’re going to travel with us, young one.” Rivelle’s smile quickly faded. “Come,” Soliyah ordered her and then made a clicking noise to get her horse moving. Rivelle hesitated, though she could feel Djoro wanted to go. What was she getting herself into? This woman clearly didn’t want her there. Would she always be mean to her? Oh, how she wished she could see, or that Zerik could speak. She’d likely feel less alone and disliked if she could. Just then, she felt a hand on her shoulder. When Rivelle moved her head to that side, orange. It was a warm and inviting orange, and Rivelle knew it was Zerik, encouraging her to stay strong, offering sympathy and support. She smiled and nodded, assuming Zerik wanted her to go ahead of him. Giving Djoro a little nudge in the ribs, they moved to follow Soliyah. Djoro led the way as Rivelle could feel them getting further and further from her home, land she was comfortable in. Her heart started racing and she worked to keep her breath calm and even. What had she gotten herself into? She was beginning to feel very cold, scared, and very much alone. She could feel her body begin to shiver, certain it was from more than the chill in the air and rain. She felt her chest tighten and worried she’d made a huge mistake. And just then, green - a warm, calming, and loving green, like a comforting hug. Rivelle pat Djoro’s neck and he gave a quick and happy snort.
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Ⓒ May 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.