As Soliyah went back to her room, she felt beyond disheartened and embittered. For ages, she’d believed seeking the Counsel out would make all of the difference in her journey. All of Serenia revered them as though some deity with supreme power and wisdom. According to the meeting she’d just taken part in, they were nothing of the sort. Needing to vent and release her frustrations, she reached out to Zerik.
“You there?” She asked and almost immediately, she could feel his presence. “Where are you and how dare you leave me alone with these… these…”
“What?” Zerik laughed.
“Forget it. Where are you? And Rivelle?”
“Tryte has us working. Don’t worry, we won’t be gone long. I can tell you miss me,” he joked. Their exchanges had become much more comfortable over time, with a lot of teasing and playfulness Soliyah hadn’t shared with anyone since Zayver. At times, she almost felt like Zerik was her new Zayver, but in all honesty, he wasn’t. Their relationship was very different though she couldn’t pinpoint how. They were certainly more playful than she and Zayver had ever been. But she was in no playful mood.
“Working on what?” She asked, trying to distract herself. She had this aching feeling without him near and she didn’t like it. Though it was fantastic to have been reunited with her long lost friend Tryte, things didn’t feel quite right. She felt as though there was a shift in their relationship, as though he could be hiding things from her.
“How was the meeting with the High Counsel?” He interrupted her thoughts. “Are they as remarkable as they are renowned?”
“To be honest, not in the slightest. I fear they’re simply spoiled and ignorant to the rest of the world.”
“Perhaps they’ve lived in Efevra for too long.” He made a good point. Efevra was very different from the rest of Serenia, and she couldn’t recall ever having heard about them traveling anywhere. “Was any decision made? What are our next steps?” Soliyah didn’t know what to say, but she felt her anger growing. “I can tell you’re apprehensive,” Zerik suddenly stated. She felt a slight twinge of anger. “And I’ll not have you argue with me. I can literally see and feel your feelings.”
“I still think that’s entirely unfair when it doesn’t go both ways. I’ve asked you not to do that.”
“I’m sorry. I’m working on it.” Though everything was silent, she could still feel his presence.
“The Counsel appears to be useless. But Tryte and I are hopeful that when they meet again in three days, a decision will be made.”
“Regarding us?”
“Not exactly, but it will affect us a great deal. It will affect everything..” She took a deep breath. “They’re to decide whether to pull the army back to Efevra to protect it from some looming dark presence amassing in the north.” She waited for Zerik to ask what she was referring to, but he didn’t. “And if I am to fight the Red Woman or not.”
“The Red Woman?”
“That’s what they’re calling her.”
“Who is she?” Though Zerik couldn’t see her, she shrugged.
“We didn’t get that far,” she told him. She swore she could feel his frustration brewing, but felt it must be her own. “When are you coming to the citadel?”
“That hasn’t been made clear to me yet,” he confided. “But I promise, I’ll be by your side again soon.” Soliyah didn’t know what to say. She felt relief, but also a strange and new feeling she’d never felt before. Her stomach seemed to suddenly drop, and her heart pound, but only for less than a second. Then she felt angry.“Soliyah? Are you ok?”
“I’m fine,” she asserted.
“Ok. I just… something felt weird there… I don’t…”
“I’ve told you to stop doing that! Leave me with my feelings and listen only to my words!” She was practically yelling at him, though it was all in her head. It was frustrating that he should have such access to her, but her not to him. Her anger felt as though it had suddenly multiplied. Embarrassed, she took a deep breath. “I’m severely disappointed,” she confided.
“In?”
“Everything!” She took another deep breath, but it didn’t calm her as she’d hoped. “The High Counsel is not likely to help us,” she admitted. “And Tryte…” she hesitated, finding it difficult to even think poorly of such a good friend, let alone speak of him that way. “Something is… off. At least, different.”
“What?”
“I don’t know!” She yelled. Her anger was heating up. She could feel it. “And you, and Rivelle, have left me alone to deal with it all!”
“Sol…”
“This isn’t what I signed up for!” She gave a small laugh. “In fact, I didn’t sign up for anything at all. I was happy!” She paused, unsure what to say next. She worried Zerik’s silence meant she was once again alone, but could still feel him. “Even after Beroun… it took time to form a life again, but I did it! And I was prepared to be alone, and live a quiet life, even if it meant dying in the coming war.” She felt a sudden ache in her heart again. Her chest tightened and she could feel she would likely cry, but she didn’t want to. Especially not to Zerik. She took a deep breath. “I began this alone and suppose I will have to continue on the same.”
“Sol… I’m…”
“It’s fine,” she interrupted him. “There were many times it seemed…felt otherworldly, to be first allies and then have this… connection. Perhaps we both wanted it to be more… believed more about what it was than was real.”
“You can’t be…”
“Please find a way to make this connection end,” she sounded as though she were begging him and she hated it. She wanted to harden the voice she was projecting to him. “I think it best we… part ways. You ensure Rivelle gets back to her family.”
“Soliyah,” she’d hoped he’d be angry, yell at her, but he said her name so softly, it dripped with kindness, patience even. It made her feel all the more frustrated and angry.
“Zerik. Please.” The tears were just on the edge, waiting to burst out of her and she didn’t want him to hear, or feel it. She was about to yell his name once more when she felt it… he was gone. She tried to hold it back a moment longer, just to be sure, but the tears began to fall. Soon, she was bent over, sobbing, though she wasn’t entirely sure why.
“Your presence has been requested for dinner,” a voice penetrated through her wooden door after a few soft knocks. Soliyah bolted upright from her bed, not having remembered when she’d even fallen asleep. She ran over to her door and opened it, but no one was there. Sighing, she closed the door and leaned against it. Everything felt off. She didn’t know what was expected of her and could feel anxiety filling her chest and belly. Without hesitation, she attempted to reach out to Zerik but stopped herself, remembering their fight. Why had she said such things? But then she pictured him sitting around a table with many others, reveling in his stories, everyone hanging on his every word, and her heart hardened. It didn’t matter that it didn’t make any sense as Zerik couldn’t speak. He was off enjoying himself. He’d abandoned her to the citadel and High Counsel. She needed to do what needed doing, alone. But how, she wondered. Clearly she needed to stay for the sequestration of High Counsel and await their decision. She’d await their decision and Tryte’s guidance afterward. Then, she would hatch her plan to move forward alone, fight the Red Woman, defeat the army, and save Serenia. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was a lot to absorb, but she felt confident she could do it. Somewhat.
Startled by a sudden knock at her door, she nearly jumped out of her skin and yelled out in surprise. Her heart skipped a beat, but she quickly gathered herself before opening the door. To her surprise, Ludlen stood before her, impeccably dressed with a soft smile on his rugged face. “Did I startle you?” He asked, a sparkle in his eye. Soliyah smiled at him and shook her head.
“Perhaps a little,” she admitted. She waited for him to speak again but he only stared at her. “Can I help you with something, Keeper Ludlen?” His smile widened.
“I’ve come to offer my arm in escorting you to dinner,” he told her. Soliyah didn’t quite know what to say. She’d never been escorted to anything in her life. It felt odd and for some reason, she felt nervous, out of place.
“I’m sure I can find my way to the dining room,” she said with a little laugh, though she was serious.
“Of course,” he smiled and nodded. “I only wished to spend more time with you.” Soliyah didn’t know how to respond to that. She simply stared at him, confused. He stepped closer to her. “Also, I know a new environment can be completely overwhelming. I only wanted to offer my friendship.” She still didn’t speak and finally nodded. What could it hurt, she told herself. She moved to step into the hallway but stopped when Ludlen’s smile suddenly vanished and his eyes opened wide. “Surely you’re not attending dinner in such a state?” He asked.
“What state is that?” Ludlen looked her up and down and smiled awkwardly.
“Dinners at the citadel are very formal,” he explained. Soliyah remained silent. She didn’t care.
“After what I witnessed today, I don’t much care for the High Counsels approval or expectations.” To her surprise, Ludlen laughed.
“I don’t blame you,” he admitted. “But truthfully, it’s not our, not certainly my, approval or expectation you’d be losing out on.”
“Oh?” She was intrigued. He couldn’t possibly be speaking of Tryte. He shook his head, no.
“Barid.” He was so confident as if that word would have some meaning to her.
“Barid?” He nodded and his eyes widened when he realized she didn’t understand.
“Tryte hasn’t told you about Barid?” Soliyah shook her head, no, and suddenly he took her by the hand and led her back into her room. Before she could stop him, or argue, he was speaking again, as he pulled her to a smaller room off the back. “Barid is tremendously powerful and important. He is the trusted advisor to the counsel,” he looked at her. “Supposed to be, but I know where his loyalty truly lies. Come,” he pulled her through a doorway she hadn’t noticed before. “All of the guests' quarters carry formal attire to be used when needed.”
Though small, the room was filled to the brim with all types of clothing. Mainly dresses and suits hanging from all types of hooks in the wall, but she could even see formal-looking warrior attire, much like Aurena was wearing earlier that day. Ludlen began rifling through the many colored dresses. He looked at Soliyah, examining her closely.
“You appear a Southern,” he seemed surprised and then turned back to the dresses. Soliyah was about to protest. Beroun was not in the South, but Ludlen kept talking as he pulled down dresses of yellow, orange, and red, and held them in front of her. “Barid keeps us all in line, following proper protocol and traditions etched out for counsel ages and ages ago. If it weren’t for him, I feel we’d be in utter chaos.” He stopped as he held a very shiny red and silver dress in front of her. It was quite large, like nothing Soliyah had ever seen let alone worn before. Ludlen’s eyes lit up. “Yes,” he smiled and pushed the dress into her arms. “Put it on,” he told her.
“Here? Now?” She asked, shocked, and he nodded and turned.
“I won’t look,” he promised. She hesitated. “We haven’t got all evening, you know. Everyone will be waiting.” Soliyah quickly removed her clothing and stepped into the dress. All of its buttons were on the back. “Ummm…” Ludlen quickly turned and gasped, smiling. Soliyah felt absurd. Its top was far below the neckline of her typical clothing, and it felt unsettling to have her legs bare beneath such a large skirt.
“You look fantastic,” he assured her. He noticed her struggling. “I can do it.” He gently pushed Soliyah to turn, exposing her bare back to him, but he didn’t react and simply began doing up the buttons. He was quick, and Soliyah felt his cold fingers on her skin at one point which gave her a strange feeling. She wondered why his hands were so cold. He turned her back to face him. “Amazing,” he whispered. “What a transformation.” He motioned for her to turn and she quickly did so. “It’s like you were meant for this,” he told her. Soliyah had so many questions but couldn’t seem to find her voice or words. Ludlen quickly turned to the doorway, grabbed her hand, and began leading her back out of the room.
By the time they reached the vast dining room, Ludlen had brought her up to speed on Barid, counsel customs at dinner, and what to expect from the others. They were all waiting for them, including Tryte, who was surprised to see her as she walked in. He looked at her, confused, but she simply smiled at him.
“Isn’t she a true representation of beauty?” Ludlen asked everyone as he escorted her to a seat across from Rylanar, Aurena, and Seralina and between him and Tryte. Seralina smiled at her, impressed. Rylanar gave her a look of approval, but still held his nose in the air. Aurena seemed to want to avoid looking at her but couldn’t stop looking at her. Soliyah smiled and she quickly looked away. Tryte simply smiled at her, though his eyes contradicted his expression. “Apologies for being tardy, Barid,” Ludlen announced as a large man, tall and thick as a tree walked in with a large and heavy presence. It seemed everyone was deferring to him. He looked at Soliyah but said nothing and turned to Ludlen.
“Apology accepted, Keeper of the East. I’m simply elated that our guest could join us.” Though his tone did not convey the same sentiment.
“It is wonderful, isn’t it?” Ludlen smiled and looked at her once more as others nodded. Barid looked over at Rylanar, as though awaiting instruction. When Rylanar gave a slight nod, Barid stood tall and moved to one of the doorways, opening it.
“Dinner is served,” he announced, and the first of many servants walked in with a large covered dish in their arms. They walked in line to the end of the room, placing their trays on a long and thin table, and turned, awaiting their orders. Barid walked over to the trayed items and began opening and inspecting them. The candles on the table flickered on the table before her. Soliyah felt both out of place and intrigued by the lavish surroundings. She’d never even seen such a spread as this in her life, let alone thought she could partake in one.
“I must say, Soliyah… I am so pleased you are here. You’re much more than I expected.” Ludlen leaned in to say to her, his smile and look in his eyes shy. It confused her, but she returned his smile.
“Thank you,” she nodded. “Your words are kind.” No one had ever spoken to her in such a way. She couldn’t deny it, she liked it. She continued watching Ludlen as he watched the servants begin to serve the food.
“As an esteemed member of the high counsel, I thought it important we discuss matters at hand this evening, but with guests, it would be inappropriate,” Seralina stated as she stared Soliyah down, no expression on her face. Soliyah simply looked back at her, unafraid.
“Oh please,” she started. “Don’t allow my presence to change matters. I will gladly partake in the delicious food and ignore the conversation.” Seralina’s eyes hardened and then finally looked away. Soliyah hid her smile but could feel Ludlen’s glee beside her. It was as he’d warned her, Seralina didn’t like her and would work to make her uncomfortable and appear superfluous and unnecessary. I dare her to try, Soliyah thought to herself. As soon as the servants were finished filling all of their plates with the different foods, they left the room and Barid sat next to Rylanar to join them. He raised a glass and cleared his throat.
“To Serenia, and its Keepers,” he said and all of the Keepers and Tryte lifted their glasses. Soliyah quickly followed suit and they drank. The wine was delicious. Smooth, with a delightful hint of Belberry. Soliyah had never tasted anything like it. She looked over to Tryte who was engaged in conversation with Aurena. She turned to Ludlen and smiled.
“Delicious, isn’t it?” He asked. She nodded and took another sip.
“What is it?”
“A Belberry wine with a hint of pleasure,” he laughed. Soliyah could feel eyes on her and turned to see Tryte staring. He shook his head, no, but she ignored him.
“Pleasure is something I could use more than a hint of,” she joked and Ludlen laughed even louder.
“Then leave it to me, dear Venera Profera. I will guarantee your pleasure during your stay here with us at the Citadel.” Soliyah didn’t know how to respond and so kept smiling. Ludlen winked and turned back to his dinner. Soliyah felt this strange feeling in her belly. At first, it frightened her a bit, worried she might be sick, or upset, but she breathed through it and realized it was excitement. For the first time in a long time, she felt at ease, like she could finally be free of things and enjoy herself for a bit.
“Soliyah,” Aurena interrupted her thoughts. “Won’t you regale us with some of your adventures of late? Have you not been traveling across Serenia for some ages?” Soliyah nodded.
“Indeed, I have,” she admitted. “But I’m afraid such adventures as I’ve had are not as scintillating as you’d think.”
“It seems surprising to me that you’ve been traveling across Serenia for so long and yet haven’t once come across the path of the Red Woman,” Seralina interjected. Soliyah wished she could reach across the table and slap her.
“Well, it likely wouldn’t surprise you if you understood and experienced the vastness of our beautiful lands. Having never left the citadel, or Efevra, I’m sure that would be difficult for you.” Seralina quickly looked up from her plate to Soliyah, a hardened and angry glare and expression on her face.
“Oh come now, let’s not squabble,” Rylanar spoke before she could. “We all serve Serenia, as challenging as it may be because of our differences in opinion on what that should look like.”
“Apologies if I offended you, Keeper Seralina,” Soliyah feigned upset. “I simply feel it makes more sense that if one is to lead, one should do all they can to know and understand who they’re leading.”
“I assure you. I know Serenians,” Seralina averred. “What is it you know about leading?”
“My sister,” Ludlen aimed to keep things calm as he smiled at them both. “No one is questioning what you have had to sacrifice in order to be and stay Keeper of the South.” Soliyah looked at him, confused. She hadn’t realized he and Seralina were family. “Just as I’m sure we can understand sacrifices must have had to be made as Venera Profera.” He stared at her now, a kind and compassionate look in his eyes. It bore into her very core and made her feel welcome and safe. She smiled and nodded at him. “Let us enjoy this meal,” he looked back over the table. “Can we not cease talk of politics and important matters and simply enjoy each other's company?” Soliyah nodded and raised her glass in agreement, Tryte shortly followed suit, then Aurena, and Seralina. Everyone turned to Rylanar and waited. He quickly looked at Barid and finally, they both raised their glasses.
In its final moments, Soliyah found herself actually enjoying dinner. Yes, the private conversation was awkward with Aurena, forced with Seralina, and non-existent with Rylanar, but all together once all seriousness was removed, and the wine kept flowing, they were able to let their guards down and simply enjoy each other's company as per Ludlen’s plea. Aurena proved to be generous by the end, Seralina was funny, and Rylanar was more intelligent than he looked. Barid barely took part and gave Soliyah a strange feeling when her attention was drawn to him though she couldn’t name it. But just like the others, she largely ignored him. Ludlen on the other hand, she was beginning to genuinely like. He was funny, charismatic, and seemed to authentically care for Soliyah. When he gave her attention, she felt giddy and excited. She’d never felt that way before. Perhaps she’d had more wine than needed. As he walked her back to her rooms after dinner, she felt badly for having judged them all so quickly. She hadn’t known them, nor their stories or experiences. She felt bad about it and pulled Ludlen by his arm.
“I must confess something,” she started, a little nervous.
“You’re not Venera Profera?” He asked, shocked and she stopped, taken aback. When he saw her reaction though, he stopped. “I’m only teasing,” he assured her.
“I would never lie like that,” she confided, releasing his arm.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I only meant to tease, not hurt you.” She didn’t understand the humor and it showed. He reached for her hand and took it in both of his. Though his skin was cold, his touch sent a spark through her body. “Forgive me!” He begged. She quickly took her hand back and smiled.
“Of course.” She’d suddenly forgotten what it was all about, too distracted by the sensation running through her body. He turned, putting his arm out to lead her again. She took it and they continued walking.
“What was it you wanted to confess?” He asked and she had to think.
“Oh, only that… well. This afternoon, I misjudged you all,” she confided.
“How do you mean?” He asked.
“I admit, I walked into our meeting unsure what to expect. As I’m sure you know, the tales spinning across Serenia paint you all as legends.” Ludlen laughed. “It’s true. It’s as though you’re these other-worldly beings, all-knowing and powerful. And we are just simple Serenians, graced with your presence and authority to guide us.” Ludlen kept laughing until she stopped and he looked at her. Once he saw the seriousness in her face, he pulled the laughter back.
“And now?” She shrugged.
“Well, now… it seems I was wrong. Twice,” she gave a small laugh as they started walking again. “Before today, I’d bought into those legends and expected…well, what I expected was unrealistic. I see that now.” She paused, collecting her thoughts and Ludlen patiently waited for her to continue. “But at that meeting earlier today, because my reality was shattered so quickly, so easily, I was quick to judge, allowing my anger and disappointment to cloud my judgment.”
“Go on,” Ludlen encouraged her. She felt nervous and yet somehow, kept talking.
“I honestly believed you all to be spoiled, ignorant, arrogant, and useless ceremonial items.” She blurted it all out, her nerves pushing it out awkwardly with a slight laugh behind it. But as soon as she finished, she held her breath, afraid of what Ludlen’s reaction might be. He stopped walking and kept looking in front of him. “Ludlen?” He didn’t turn toward her so she moved to stand in front of him. “I hope you aren’t angry with me,” she began rambling. “I just… I can see now that the four of you are simply Serenians, trying to lead. Yes, you’ve led a very different life than I, and probably most Serenians out there, but the same could be said for me. I mean, who am I to lead in any way? I don’t even really know what being Venera Profera means,” she laughed. He finally looked at her but she couldn’t read his expression. His hands suddenly came up and she thought he was going to try and strangle her, but for some reason, she didn’t prepare to stop him. His hands did in fact reach for her, but they wrapped around her face and pulled her closer to him. Before she could react or say a word, his lips were on hers. She’d never been kissed before. It felt strange but nice. Her heart started beating faster, stronger, louder. Before long, he spread her lips apart with his tongue and she felt it rub against her own. Again, strange, but nice. Soon, his arms were wrapped around her body and pulling her in tighter. He pushed her away and smiled, releasing her lips. They were both out of breath.
“No one has ever spoken to me in such a way,” he confided. “I’m not certain why I should find it so tempting, but I do. And the fire in your eyes,” he whispered as he drew her close and began kissing her again. A part of Soliyah was alarmed but didn’t want him to stop. She was reveling in his kiss and his touch until she heard a noise. She pushed him away and he stopped. “What’s wrong?”
“I heard something,” she told him. They both held their breath but heard nothing. Soliyah turned back to Ludlen, the fire from the candles along the corridor cast shadows across his face that seemed to dance. His dark brown eyes suddenly emit a yellowish glow. She had to admit, he was handsome. “Perhaps we shouldn’t be doing this in the hallway,” she admitted. Ludlen nodded.
“Quite right. This way,” he pointed behind Soliyah and she turned, once again taking his arm. Though Ludlen seemed to be funny, and she was laughing at much of what he was telling her, Soliyah’s thoughts were distracting her from what was actually happening in the moment as she reflected on what had just happened - their kissing. There was a part of Soliyah that had always wondered what it felt like to kiss or be kissed, but never enough to do anything about it. Especially when she’d never felt she’d found someone worthy of attempting it with. So why Ludlen, she wondered. Sure, he was attractive, but it was true, only some hours ago, she’d found him abhorrent and incompetent. How could her judgment have been so wrong? Since he’d knocked on her door just a few hours ago, he’d proven to be kind, caring, and understanding. Somehow, she felt safe with him, even though it also felt strange and foreign. When they finally came to her room door, Ludlen bent and kissed her hand. His lips were hot against her cool skin and she wished to feel them on her own again. “I bid you goodnight, dear Venera Profera,” he whispered as he stood back up.
“Won’t you come in to talk a little more?” The words were out of her mouth before she even thought them. A little embarrassed, she looked away, afraid he might reject her or think badly of her for even asking. But he smiled.
“Alas, I don’t think it wise to do so,” he admitted and stepped in closer to her so his lips were right by her ear. She felt upset by his response but it quickly turned to excitement when she felt one of his arms slide around her waist while the other hand played with her fingers. “You’re much too tempting and I may do something that will force you to change your judgment of me again tomorrow.” Though finished, he didn’t move and Soliyah felt her breath become shallow and quick. His breath was somehow hot and cool on her neck. “But how I wish I could stay,” he whispered and took the lobe of her ear between his teeth.
Soliyah almost gasped, feeling foolish and yet excited at the same time. Finally, he stepped back and bowed, taking her hand to his lips once more. “I desire nothing but sweet dreams for you this evening. As I’m sure you do for me.” He winked as he stood, turned, and walked away. Soliyah hated simply standing and watching him leave, but she couldn’t help it. It was taking a lot of strength not to call him back, so she finally turned and went into her room. She was about to close the door when something stopped it. She turned smiling, hoping it was Ludlen, but it wasn’t. It was Tryte. She tried to hide her surprise but likely failed by the look on his face.
“What are you doing, Soliyah?” He asked her, his tone filled with concern but also anger. Or was it disappointment?
“I’m going to bed,” she told him, annoyed. “It’s late and I’m tired.” She turned to go in but he didn’t follow. He stood in her room, but kept the door open, as though ready to leave should he need to.
“That is not what I am referring to and you are very much aware. Do you not recall our conversation earlier today?”
“Which one?” Though she knew exactly which one he was speaking of, and the look on his face confirmed it.
“I told you the Keepers cannot be trusted. I explained what Ludlen meant when he referred to these next three days as ‘games’. And it’s dangerous! I told you to stay close to me.” He sighed, exasperated. “Of all keepers to get into bed with! Ludlen?” It felt as though Soliyah’s eyes popped out of her head, she felt so hurt and judged.
“Either lower your voice or shut that door,” she hissed. He did neither. “I’m not in bed with anyone.” She pointed at herself and then her empty bed across the large room. Tryte rolled his eyes.
“I do not mean it literally,” he explained. “Are you really as naive as all that? The same young tavern girl from Beroun? Have the last few ages on the run taught you nothing? You’re not here to make friends.”
“What do you want from me?” She found herself asking. “You were the one who sent me away. You made me run from something I didn’t even understand, and toward something I understood even less. I wandered alone for ages, lost, afraid, not even sure you were alive or dead. And then… Sparai id Holera,” she scoffed. “Not sure what that was supposed to be about, but it too has done nothing for me. And now… now I’m here. In Efevra,” the city’s name dripped with disgust. “In this Citadel, alone, communing with the High Counsel trying to save Serenia. And I don’t even know how I’m going to do it.” Tryte simply stared at her. She couldn’t read the look on his face. It seemed to be constantly changing, from listening intently, to annoyed she wasn’t finished, to disappointed, and angry, and then to sad and sympathetic. “And friends? What friends? I don’t see any, do you?” She stepped in close to him, keeping her voice low, her face and eyes severe as she looked down on him. “I don’t know that I’ve ever really had true friends.” Her words were harsh, and she knew it. She wanted to hurt him, make him feel as lost as she felt at that moment. She was angry he’d pulled her away from the good feeling she felt before he’d appeared at her door. Pulled her back into the feeling prior to the entire evening. The feeling of being alone and lost. But when she looked down at him, she didn’t see any pain, or hurt. Tryte didn’t even appear affected at all. This angered her even more.
“If that is what you truly believe, then you are not the Soliyah I have known. Nor who Zayver knew.” Soliyah felt a sting when he said Zayver’s name. “Perhaps I no longer fit in your mold of a friend, but I am. I am also Nano. My role within this realm is even greater than you can ever understand. Greater than yours.” He sighed. “You are not alone, Soliyah.” He moved to step closer to her, some kindness was finally obvious in his eyes, but he stopped mid-step and his ears perked up. Soliyah suddenly had a flashback to that night, long ago in Beroun when he’d heard those who’d come to seize her approach. Tryte quickly moved back into the doorway.
“Is everything alright, Dehril Tryte?” It was Barid. He was standing in the hall with a basket under his arm. Tryte turned to him and smiled.
“Absolutely, Barid. I was just…”
“I was instructed to leave this by your door for tomorrow morning, but as you are here now and aware of it, I will give it to you directly.” Barid interrupted and passed the basket to Soliyah over Tryte’s head without a thought. Soliyah stepped forward and accepted it. It was filled with goodies, including a bottle of Belberry juice. Soliyah smiled up at Barid in thanks.
“That is so kind of you, Barid,” she told him.
“It’s not from me,” he insisted as he stepped back.
“From Rylanar then?” Soliyah asked, and Barid shook his head no.
“Ludlen?” Tryte asked with a slight disdain in his tone. Barid looked down at him.
“Of course not,” Barid insisted. “It’s from all of the Keepers of the Counsel.” He turned back to Soliyah. “They insist these items are the best to start your day,” he finished.
“Well, thank you Barid, really.” Soliyah smiled at him and he nodded and turned. She looked down to Tryte to see him shaking his head, mouthing the word ‘no’. She made a face at him. “Barid!” She called after him. He slowly turned back toward her. “Would you mind terribly ensuring Tryte gets back to his quarters safely?”
“I’m sure Dehril Tryte is most capable of getting himself there,” he answered and Soliyah gave a small laugh.
“Of course, I just know I’d feel safer,” she insisted. “Being new to the city and citadel after all.” She continued to stare at Barid until he nodded in agreement.
“Soliyah..” Tryte began to whisper as she turned away. Barid was quickly at his side and looked down at him.
“Right this way, Dehril Tryte,” he said.
“Good night,” she called back over her shoulder and pretended to peruse the items in her basket until she heard the door close. Once the click resounded, she turned back to the empty doorway. A pang of guilt and sadness came over her, but she pushed it away. She turned back to her room and, with difficulty, changed out of her dress and into a slip left on the bed, though she didn’t know by whom. The slip felt cool and soft against her skin. She climbed into the bed, still amazed at how good it felt. It was the perfect amount of soft and firm. It was a bed she could get used to sleeping in. She sighed as she pulled the covers over herself. She closed her eyes, ready to sleep and Zerik entered her thoughts. She opened them, not wanting to think of him but now, she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t deny that she missed his presence, both physically and through their connection. A part of her wanted to reach out to him, but she decided against it. She was still so angry and hurt. He’d left her, just as everyone else had. And for what? He wouldn’t even tell her. Perhaps, due to desperation, she’d been leaning on him too much as of late, only to find out the truth - that he wasn’t as good a friend as she thought. She was reminded of something Ludlen had said to her earlier, alone in the hall.
“To lead is a lonely business,” he’d said. “It demands courage, resilience, and unwavering determination to navigate through storms that challenge us at every turn. We shoulder the weight of decisions that can impact the lives of countless others, and it can be overwhelming.” He sighed and took her hand in his as it rested on his arm and they continued walking. “Amidst the chaos, we often find ourselves isolated, both figuratively and literally.” He pointed to the walls around them. “The loneliness of leadership is a silent companion that walks with us, even in the midst of a large crowd. But we must put on a brave face and exude confidence to inspire others. Meanwhile, behind closed doors, we constantly carry the weight of our doubts and fears.” He’d led her to a window that overlooked the private gardens and courtyard of the citadel. But for the sconces on either side of them, she wouldn’t have been able to see his face as the moonlight did not reach them. With nothing else to see, Soliyah had continued staring at Ludlen, seeing the passion and tortured look in his eyes. “The loneliness stems from the understanding that we cannot share the full extent of our struggles with those we lead. We must maintain a facade of strength, be a beacon of hope, to inspire trust and confidence. And while we bear this burden in solitude, it does not mean we are unaffected by the trials we face.” She’d squeezed his hands at that point, understanding each word, each syllable that escaped his lips. He’d turned to her then, holding her gaze with the intensity in his eyes and words. “In our aim to lead with integrity and compassion, we often make decisions that may not be popular, decisions that may cause rifts or dissent among our followers, perhaps even our friends. This too, adds to the loneliness, as we grapple with the consequences of our choices and the impact they have on the lives of others.”
“But you have the other Keepers,” she’d insisted and he shook his head, no.
“We are not the same! They don’t take their role as Keepers as seriously as I do. Aurena is obsessed with Seralina, and Rylanar with himself,” he’d blurted. Soliyah had been surprised to hear it. “And as for Seralina,” he scoffed. “She’s…” he sighed. “She’s impossible. Only in it for herself.”
“Oh Ludlen, it sounds awful,” she’d surmised and he’d shaken his head, yes.
“I’ve been Keeper for so long, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be Ludlen. I’m bound by so many rules, expectations, demands, codes, it’s hard to know myself and what’s real.”
“I’m real,” she’d said, despite knowing how corny it would sound. He’d squeezed her hand and smiled.
“Yes, you are,” he’d agreed. “And perhaps we will be friends,” he’d said and then laughed. Soliyah had looked at him, confused, a little hurt. “I’m sorry. I just… It’s been so long, if ever, since I’ve had a real friend.”
“What do you mean?” He’d turned and looked back out the window as if remembering something.
“I’m quite certain I cannot trust my fellow Keepers,” he’d admitted. “There is a fear that lingers in the darkest corners of my mind, gnawing at my resolve like a relentless predator.”
“What fear is it?” He’d turned toward her and took a deep breath.
“Their betrayal, not just to me, but to Serenia.” Soliyah had gasped and he’d quickly covered her mouth to silence her. “Please,” he’d begged. “You mustn’t repeat this. Ever!”
“What? Who? Who has betrayed Serenia?” She’d been so confused. He’d looked around and pulled her to resume walking with him. He’d quieted his voice, forcing them closer to one another.
“You must understand,” he’d continued. “We each have our visions, our ambitions, and our goals. And while we strive for unity, there’s an underlying current of competition, a desire to ascend, to claim the highest peak for oneself.”
“What peak?” She’d asked, confused, and he’d shrugged.
“We may pledge allegiance to a common cause, but there’s always a niggling suspicion that someone may put personal gains above the greater good. In the solitude of my thoughts, I ponder the irony of this situation. Leaders, united in purpose, standing side by side, yet the fear of betrayal creates an unbridgeable chasm.”
“But, you can’t let this fear consume you,” she’d insisted, sounding like such a naive fool, just as Tryte had called her.
“You’re right,” he’d nodded and squeezed her hand. “I must trust my instincts, my intuition, and the individuals I have chosen to stand with me.” Soliyah had nodded excitedly, returning the squeeze. “But I must always beware,” he’d continued. “Be on guard. Steel my heart while extending my hand in trust. Play my part, so to speak. Like in a game,” he’d said and smiled at her. And then he looked away. “Alone,” he’d whispered and then turned to her. “With friends.”
It had been a strange conversation, but so much of what Ludlen had said so much had genuinely reflected her own thoughts and feelings. Ever since she’d been told she was Venera Profera, ever since she’d begun to understand what it meant, she knew she’d be isolated, different. It seemed she and Ludlen had more in common than she ever thought possible. She felt closer to him than she had anyone else in her life, even Zerik who could actually read her mind. She just felt like Ludlen understood her, and she him. Perhaps it didn’t make much sense, but it was her truth at that moment. And she laughed off at the sudden idea that their kissing had anything to do with her feelings. How could it?
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Ⓒ August 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.