Soliyah awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to seize the day. She couldn’t wait to see Ludlen again but was disappointed when he wasn’t at breakfast, nor anywhere to be found on the grounds throughout the day. He’d warned her games were afoot and that the other Keepers couldn’t be trusted. But could they actually have done something to him, she wondered.
Aurena had found her sitting in the garden that afternoon and approached her. The conversation had started awkwardly, discussing the weather, the accommodations at the citadel, and Aurena asking about her friendship with Tryte, but Soliyah gave her little to go on. Finally, Aurena brought up what she really wanted to discuss. It seemed she was bent on facing the Red Woman at Soliyah’s side, if not leading her. The issue was that Soliyah couldn’t be sure Aurena actually knew how to lead, let alone fight.
“While I may not have fought in the past, I feel the fire of a warrior within me, urging me to stand strong,” she’d said with a lot of energy
“And that fire, has it ever been tested?” Aurena held her gaze steady.
“I believe that courage and conviction can overcome any obstacle. The heart of a warrior can guide even the most inexperienced hands.” Soliyah leaned in, her voice almost a whisper.
“Aurena, have you ever seen the darkness of battle, the chaos that reigns as weapons clash and blood spills?” Aurena’s expression remained resolute.
“I may have been sheltered, but my heart knows the duty that lies ahead. I yearn to protect Serenians all over.”
“I understand that, but it’s not as simple as all that.”
“I have studied history and strategy extensively,” Aurena interrupted. “My position as Keeper gives me insight into our nation’s needs. I have allies at my side day and night, aiding me in my preparations, and I’m convinced that my leadership, combined with your experience, can lead us to victory.”
“What allies do you speak of? Rylanar? Seralina?” Soliyah was curious, and at the sound of Seralina’s name, Aurena’s eyes darted back and forth. The idea that Seralina could be anyone’s champion, guide, or support was laughable to Soliyah. After everything she’d witnessed, with her stuck-up and self-centered ways, supported by Ludlen’s warnings, she just couldn’t see Seralina aiding anyone if it wasn’t for her own gain. “You speak with great confidence. But leadership on the battlefield, whether it be facing down an army or simply one great foe, is forged through trials, not merely from theories.” She could see Aurena’s shoulders gently lower, her eyes dim as she stopped looking at what was in front of her, but searched for an answer in her own mind. She could see she’d hurt her feelings, perhaps her pride, and felt bad. But it was the truth.
“I am prepared to face those trials,” Aurena uttered. “Others believe in me, and I will not let them down.” Soliyah felt she had to press on, keeping her tone soft, her eyes gentle.
“Is your decision influenced solely by your ambition, or is there something more driving you?” Aurena hesitated, searching her mind for an answer once more. A flicker of uncertainty passed through her eyes before she answered.
“I…” She took a deep breath. “Keeper Seralina believes in me. She sees qualities that I may struggle to see in myself, but she’s never steered me wrong. She is very wise and beautiful.”
“There is no wrong in having faith in you, Keeper Aurena. I assure you, I was not implying it should be any other way. I’m sure you value Seralina’s opinion a great deal.” Aurena tried to hide her embarrassment, but her eyes betrayed her. “I’m simply concerned for your safety.”
“My utmost priority is the safety of all Serenians.”
“Does that mean you’ll be voting to keep the army where it is? Refusing to call it back to Efevra?” Aurena’s eyes darted back and forth as she hesitated to respond. Soliyah dared to push her a little further. “You understand, calling them back to Efevra would be selfish. Such a decision would be most unworthy of a true and honest leader.” Aurena snapped back to look at Soliyah, an anger behind her eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“What do you know of it, Soliyah?” Her name dripped with hostility. “You may have seen battle and danger, but what do you know of leading a nation?” She was trying to sound hard, determined, forceful even, but there was a quiver in her voice that betrayed her nerves and forced confidence. “You’re no one. Just a tavern girl from Beroun.” Soliyah huffed, amused Aurena would feel the need to try and insult her in such a way. When she noticed Soliyah wasn’t at all affected by her words, she cleared her throat, darted her eyes away, and then came back to her, a strange smile on her face. “Perhaps we don’t see eye to eye on the details of leading, but I’m certain our mutual resolve to keep Serenia safe will make us a strong team to lead us to victory.” Clearly, no matter what Soliyah said, she was going to have to co-lead the army or have Aurena by her side to fight the Red Woman, if Aurena were to have her way. In the end, she tried to be respectful, but Soliyah walked away from the conversation suspicious about Aurena’s relationship with Seralina, and troubled with the paradox present before her in Aurena’s unwavering belief in her newfound role. Soliyah had walked through the citadel hoping to find Ludlen to speak with him about it but had been unable to find him. Again.
That evening, at dinner, Ludlen was nowhere to be found. No one seemed to know where he was, not even Tryte, though he was barely speaking with Soliyah, nor was she with him. The beginning parts of dinner had been awkward until she moved to Rylanar’s side. She knew to be cautious in dealing with him. Ludlen had warned her of his capacity for deceit and manipulation. She could see Barid sitting not far off, watching her as she moved closer. Clearly, Rylanar’s minion was keeping a close eye. She still couldn’t quantify her feelings surrounding Barid, but he made her feel unsettled. She cleared her throat as she shuffled into her seat. Rylanar looked over at her, feigning surprise, giving her a smile.
“To what do I owe this honor?” He asked. Soliyah smiled at him.
“I was simply sitting over there, silently curious about what you may have done to Ludlen.” He turned to her, a look of shock mixed with a smile.
“I apologize, but I am utterly confused. Firstly, are you aware anything has in fact been done to our Ludlen?” Soliyah didn’t break eye contact with him. Now that she’d uttered the words, and made the accusation, she had to keep her resolve. Ludlen had warned her that Rylanar was likely corrupt. He’d warned her that though Barid was supposed to be an advisor to the entire counsel, somehow Rylanar had manipulated him to gain his complete loyalty. He’d also warned that he believed Rylanar to be one of those who would betray Serenia if a better option was presented to him. For that, Soliyah detested him. She tried to hide it but felt she was likely doing a terrible job of it. “Secondly,” he interrupted her thoughts. “Why would I have anything to do with it? Ludlen is like a brother to me.” Soliyah huffed at him.
“I’m told you have your ways, and your reasons.”
“I’m sure you were.” He turned back to his food and moved it around on his plate.
“Tell me, Keeper Rylanar, the north is crucial in the face of the looming darkness, and yet, you hesitate, seeming only concerned with escaping your responsibility for it. Do you honestly believe retreating the army is the wisest course of action?” Rylanar’s grip tightened around his wine glass, a barely perceptible reaction that betrayed his true feelings. He met Soliyah’s gaze with a guarded expression, a subtle challenge in his eyes.
“The safety of Serenia is paramount, but what is Serenia without Efevra? There is no way to be certain keeping them spread across the lands is any wiser. It could be that pulling them back is the right response to such an enigmatic threat.” Soliyah was surprised by such a smart response. She’d expected one coming from ego, not logic. Still, she kept her gaze steady, her voice unwavering.
“It’s clear the darkness won’t discriminate between territories, but I sense there is more to your reservations. Is this decision purely about strategic concerns, or is there something else holding you back?” Rylanar’s fingers tapped an agitated rhythm against his goblet, his facade of detachment warring with the storm of emotions beneath.
“You speak as though you have all the answers,” he said, his voice loud enough for others to hear. The room quieted but Soliyah ignored the fact that all were now focussed and listening in on them. Even Barid, sitting in his corner, refrained from eating to listen in. “But you underestimate the complexities of the situation. It’s not just about the North’s vulnerability, it’s about the unknown that lies ahead.”
“It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about confronting uncertainties and making difficult choices for the greater good. Is it possible that your hesitation isn’t solely about the situation, but about your own willingness to step beyond the comforts of your position?” Rylanar’s jaw clenched and the room went silent. Barid seemed to want to jump out of his seat toward her, a severe look engraved on his face. But he looked at Rylanar and stopped. Had there been a signal Soliyah missed? Seralina held a smirk across her face, though Soliyah couldn’t read its meaning. Aurena seemed still, holding her breath in anticipation. Tryte was simply looking down at his plate. His lack of response confused and upset her, but she ignored him.
“You have a talent for oversimplifying matters, Venera. Leadership isn’t as straightforward as you make it out to be. My concerns are not based solely on my comfort.” Soliyah nodded and finally looked away, hoping to ease the tension in the room. She took a sip of her wine.
“Serenia needs someone who can lead in times of uncertainty, even if it means leaving behind what’s familiar.” She couldn’t see his face, and it suddenly relaxed and his eyes softened, as though filled with empathy for her.
“Certainty can be misleading,” he said. She could hear a change in his voice, but she didn’t want to look back at him. “I am bound by responsibilities that you might not fully comprehend.” The room remained silent for less than a moment and then filled back with noise, soft voices, the clinking of silverware and plates meeting. Clearly, everyone seemed to think Rylanar had made his point and Soliyah had lost. She took another sip of wine. feeling a drip of wine escape between her lips and the goblet, and turned back to Rylanar. He seemed calm and it was impressive. Ludlen had been truthful when he’d told her how manipulative he could be.
“It’s quite impressive,” she started.
“What’s that?”
“How much effort you’re putting into debating a decision that should be second nature to a true leader. But,” she took a deep breath and moved to stand. “I suppose some thrones are more suited for comfort than for actual decision-making.” She barely looked at him as she moved to leave, but she could see a strange look in his eye. Whether it was of resolve or deep thought to consider her words, she couldn’t be sure, but she walked out of the room feeling she’d make a point to win the conversation.
She’d hoped to run into Ludlen as she walked the gardens before going to her room for the night, but was disappointed. She thought she saw him in the hall as she walked towards her room, but was surprised to run into Barid.
“I trust you will sleep well this evening, Venera Profera,” he said as he passed by her, bowing his head toward her. She bowed her head back but couldn’t deny the awkward feeling that stormed in her belly as she listened to his receding steps down the hall. She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been in her room, but nothing seemed amiss when she entered it. Still, something about Barid still made her tense and anxious.
When she entered the breakfast room the next morning, the room filled with the bright sunlight rising from beyond the mountains, she was elated to find Ludlen seated, reading while he consumed a small meal. She walked over to him, smiling, eager to tell him about the conversations she’d had. He smiled as she approached and he motioned for her to sit next to him.
“My dear friend,” he started. “I’m sorry to have missed last night's dinner. I understand you were a pillar of strength and nerve in regard to Rylanar,” he gave a small giggle. “It’s lucky we have you here to try and steer the counsel straight and true while we consider our options.”
“I don’t know that I’ve had any effect at all,” she confided. “But it felt good to stand up to the likes of Rylanar. Too many like him seem to have unnecessary pull in the fate of Serenia.” He nodded in agreement.
“Has anyone else tried to persuade your beliefs in our course of action?” She nodded.
“Though I’m a little confused. It’s not I who has any weight in the upcoming decision. But, Aurena spoke with me yesterday, seemingly trying to convince me that she and I should co-lead the army, once it’s pulled back.” Ludlen laughed and it made Soliyah’s stomach flip. It was a pleasing sound. “She’s so eager, which is commendable, but her lack of experience and courage needed for such a role concerns me. I can’t help but feel she is blinded by something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.” Ludlen leaned into her, his expression grave.
“Aurena has always been more than infatuated with Seralina,” he said, his tone cautious. Soliyah couldn’t help but show her surprise. “Seralina wants nothing to do with it, but she exploits Aurena’s weakness, making sure that the West and South always stand united. But do not underestimate Aurena’s ambition, even if it’s driven by misplaced feelings.” Soliyah was certain she didn’t know what Ludlen meant by infatuation. Was Aurena not so secretly in love with Seralina? Or was she just in awe of her beauty and strength, scared to stand up to her?
“And Rylanar,” she scoffed. “He seems a master manipulator.” Ludlen raised his eyebrows, begging her to continue. “I confronted him last night at dinner about his devious ways and he didn’t even flinch. It’s as though he revels in his own cunning.” Ludlen nodded and Soliyah reached for his hand. “I could have sworn he’d done something to you,” she confided, squeezing his hand in hers. “When I didn’t see you at dinner, I was afraid he’d somehow kept you from me.” She felt unsure of trusting him to bear her growing feelings for him. She couldn’t be sure he felt the same. He’d been a Keeper for ages, these types of games and influence constantly surrounding him. Surely he was confident and sure enough to feel secure in his power despite what he’d disclosed to her the other night. Perhaps that was part of what drew her to him. Yes, he was attractive, and she’d enjoyed kissing him, but she felt safe with him, even though it didn’t entirely make sense as they’d just begun to know one another. Ludlen returned her squeeze and smiled at her, his eyes softening as they looked deeply into hers.
“How kind of you to care,” he told her and she smiled. “I can’t be certain he had anything to do with what transpired for me last night,” he started. Soliyah gasped, wanting to ask him what happened, but he continued. “But it seems even clearer now that Rylanar’s ambitions go far beyond just leading the counsel as I feared,” Soliyah recalled his admission of there being a traitor among the counsel. “Evidently, he dreams of ruling Serenia as its king, and he’s likely not above making dangerous alliances to achieve that end. He’s a dangerous foe, Soliyah.” She liked the sound of her name on his lips.
“We can’t let him destroy Serenia’s unity and safety. Damn his own ambitions and desires,” she almost yelled but caught herself. Though they were alone in the room, she knew her words could echo into chambers beyond them, whispering in unwanted ears. “We must expose his intentions and stand against him.” Ludlen squeezed her hand and brought it to his lips. It burned with pleasure as they gently caressed her skin.
“Your determination and bravery are truly remarkable,” he told her. “Serenia is beyond fortunate to have you as its Venera Profera.” Soliyah smiled at him until they heard the footsteps enter the room. It was Barid. His impending presence seemed to bring darkness to the room, though perhaps a cloud momentarily covered the sun. Ludlen immediately let go of her hand, turned to Barid, and smiled. “Good day, Barid,” he welcomed him. Barid simply nodded and stopped a few feet away from them.
“Rylanar and Seralina request a moment of your time, Keeper Ludlen,” he announced as though the room were filled with guests. Soliyah looked back at Ludlen. She could feel her nerves tightening as she watched him stand.
“What is this about?” Ludlen asked, and Soliyah swore she could hear some nervous energy behind his words.
“That information was not shared with me,” Barid told him. “They did seem impatient and quite urgent about it though.” Ludlen looked back at Soliyah and she could see a tinge of fear behind his eyes. He smiled and nodded.
“Have dinner with me tonight?” he asked and bowed his head. Soliyah stood and smiled. Without hesitation, she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“I’ll find you,” she whispered. Zerik had said those same words to her in the past and it had given her such comfort. She hoped it would have the same effect. Ludlen wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a tight squeeze. When they pulled apart, she could still feel his nerves so kissed him. He seemed to hesitate at first but then gave in and she felt them disappear. Barid quickly cleared his throat and Ludlen let her go. She watched him walk away, mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety tossing around in her belly.
Another dinner passed without Ludlen’s presence and Soliyah’s concern for him took over any ability she had to converse or play any more games. Though Rylanar attempted to engage with her, she simply ignored him and refused to engage, much to his frustration.
Her footsteps echoed through the corridor as she found her way back to her room, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. She felt a terrible unease and tried to shake off the worry, reminding herself of his strength and resourcefulness. Surely, he could take care of himself. For but a moment, she fell back to her old habit of wanting to open her mind and search for Zerik, hoping to find solace and comfort in his words, but she refused. He’d abandoned her and she was clearly better off.
As she walked, lost in her thoughts, a gentle touch on her shoulder made her jump. She turned to find Seralina laughing as she turned toward her.
“Sorry,” she said. “I called your name, but you didn’t respond.” Soliyah didn’t know whether to believe her or not. Had she really been that lost in thought she couldn’t hear her? “I must speak with you,” Seralina’s voice quickly turned to one with urgency. She looked around. “You must trust no one,” she whispered. “Even those you consider close.” Soliyah’s brow knitted in confusion.
“What do you mean?” Seralina’s eyes bore into Soliyah’s, an earnestness in her gaze.
“Tryte reached out to me. He wanted me to convey this message to you. There are those with hidden agendas among us. You must be cautious.” Soliyah’s skepticism grew, her voice laced with doubt.
“Tryte talked to you?” Soliyah truly didn’t understand. After their argument just a few days ago, Tryte hadn’t said a word to her. “Why not speak to me directly?” He’d never even come to her at all, as though he too, like Zerik, had abandoned her. “Why should I believe you?” Seralina’s expression shifted to a mix of frustration and empathy.
“I understand your doubts. I’m sure you’ve been told awful things about me from…”
“Of course, I have my doubts,” Soliyah interrupted her. “You’ve shown me little kindness and barely uttered a word to me since I got here. And now, I’m supposed to just take you at your word.” Seralina lowered her gaze to the floor.
“I feel no matter what my words or actions these past few days, you’d have found reason to doubt me. There is no winning in counsel,” she said as though it were an ages-old motto. She looked back up at Soliyah, her eyes soft and kind. “There’s more beneath the surface in everyone in the citadel. I’ve been entrusted with this information for a reason, Soliyah. I care about Serenia’s safety as much as you do.” Soliyah’s suspicion deepened, her words emitting as such.
“Are you suggesting you also have your own motives? That you’re not truly committed to Serenia’s well-being?”
“No!” She yelled and then caught herself and looked around. “My loyalty lies with Serenia. It always has and always will.” She sighed. “I don’t expect blind trust, but I’m genuinely trying to protect us.” Soliyah watched her closely, unsure of what to think or say. “If I’d come to you, after our first meeting, stating as such, would you have believed me then?” Soliyah refused to answer, refusing to admit she likely wouldn’t have. The tension between them escalated, making the air heavy with unspoken accusations. Seralina’s patience seemed to wane. “Your naïveté blinds you.” She turned as though to leave but stopped. “I hope you won’t end up regretting dismissing my warnings.”
With those words, she turned and left, leaving Soliyah alone in the corridor, her mind a whirlwind of emotions and conflicting thoughts. As she got closer to her room, she heard faint footsteps and stopped to listen. Within moments, Barid turned the corner and bowed his head to her as he passed her once again. Quickly, Soliyah went back to her room, certain she’d find something dangerous he’d left for her.
When walked into her room, she immediately felt a presence. The lighting was different as the fire burning in the hearth was bright and colorful, and she found candles lit along the shelf next to the bed. She felt uneasy and jumped when she heard her name.
“Soliyah!” It was Ludlen. His voice was trembling, and he appeared weak and pale. He ran to her and took her in his arms. “I’m so relieved to see you. I feared…”
“What are you doing here, Ludlen?” She asked, unsure how to feel about his intrusion. He pulled away from her, a desperate look in his eyes that quickly altered to one of pain and confusion. She didn’t know what to think. Had Barid let him in? Were they colluding?
“I had to see you. I…” She moved away from him. Seralina’s words had clearly had a deeper effect than she’d thought. “What’s wrong?” Soliyah turned away from him and remained silent, unsure what to say. “What’s happened?” Silence. “Soliyah?” Soliyah’s heart ached and she felt lost, more than ever before. She found herself wishing for the days when she’d been wandering Serenia’s fields, towns, and cities alone. This was all too much. Ludlen pulled at her and forced her to face him. “What is it?”
“What did Seralina say?” She looked up at him. How did he know?
“Barid…” she blurted. “I saw Barid in the hall.”
”Likely looking for me,” Ludlen explained.
“I…” she stammered, not knowing what to say, whether to believe him. She could barely discern her feelings. Ludlen’s look of determination softened.
“Soliyah,” he whispered, his voice soft, tinged with a touch of desperation, “I couldn’t bear the thought of you doubting me. Please…” Soliyah felt terrible. She struggled to speak. Ludlen lunged at her, taking her in his arms, and holding her face gently between his hands. “Please,” he begged. “You know me. Don’t you?” She stared into his eyes and saw only desperation and desire. There didn’t appear to be any deception, but she felt so unsure.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered and shook her way out of his hands. “I just…”
“I understand,” he whispered. “This is too much.” He sighed and walked over to look out the window. “It always is.” Soliyah watched him, still at a loss for words. “It’s just as I said. This is why I always end up alone. Rylanar’s ambitions are always tearing others away from me.” She wanted to ask him to elaborate but thought it best to keep quiet. “I’ve lost before, you know.” He turned back toward her, his eyes were brimming with tears and Soliyah could sense his pain. “But I thought you were different. I thought we were more alike. In strength, and courage… that we’d be able to navigate these awful storms together.” He took a step toward her and then stopped himself. “I need to know,” he said.
“What?” She asked and he stood taller, as though preparing for something.
“I need you to know how I feel,” he moved closer and took her hands in hers. “I feel.. I feel I can no longer do this without you. I feel…I mean, I thought I was strong before, ready to take on the world for Serenia alone, but with you… I don’t want another moment without you by my side,” he confided, a shy smile on his face. She continued staring into his eyes, lost in his vulnerability and emotion, but he let go. “I just needed you to know,” he smiled and turned back to the window again. Soliyah watched him and finally spoke.
“You said I need to know,” she reminded him. He huffed a little laugh and then nodded.
“I’d like to know how you feel about me,” he finally said. Soliyah didn’t know how to respond and he turned to face her again. “Tell me,” he begged. She did and didn’t want to say anything, but heard the words pouring from her lips.
“I’ve wanted this too,” she admitted, her voice now tinged with vulnerability. “But Seralina, she warned me… not to trust anyone.” Ludlen huffed in anger and frustration. “And Barid?”
“Don’t you see what they’re doing? I told you…” his voice carried anger and it made Soliyah feel uneasy. Ludlen must have picked up on it because he stopped himself and took a deep breath. Then he looked back at her. “You know me. You know us, don’t you? We share something real.” Their gazes locked and what resolve Soliyah felt began to waver. Ludlen slowly moved closer to her again and rested his hands on her hips. His touch was like a lifeline, his words soothing the ache of her loneliness. “You and me,” he whispered and brought their foreheads together.
Soliyah found herself drawn into Ludlen’s embrace, the world outside, and all its troubles, fading into obscurity. Their desires and vulnerabilities intertwined as they sought refuge in each other’s arms. She felt she couldn’t stop him when his lips met hers, nor when his tongue parted her lips and found hers to play with. Nor could she stop him when he began undoing her dress. His hands felt warm and safe, his lips soft and inviting. It was as though she were melting into him and they were becoming one.
In the aftermath, lying in bed together, Soliyah was convinced that Ludlen’s intentions were genuine. Seralina’s warnings felt like distant echoes in comparison, overshadowed by the connection and intimacy they shared. As he held her close, his touch was comforting, his promises alluring. The worries that had plagued her earlier seemed distant, replaced by a newfound connection that soothed her loneliness.
As she closed her eyes, ready to succumb to sleep’s embrace, a faint and familiar sensation tugged at the edges of her consciousness. It almost felt like she lost connection with Zerik, but she heard nothing. The sudden presence was baffling. She couldn’t identify its purpose and wanted to explore it, but exhaustion overtook her, dragging her into slumber’s depths. An overwhelming sensation of loss and despair danced on the edge of her nerves and consciousness but sleep’s embrace was too strong to resist, and it all slipped away into the recesses of her subconscious.
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Ⓒ August 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.