Soliyah and Tryte sat across from each other in silence. She was annoyed she’d had to leave Ludlen’s side to meet with him. She felt better with Ludlen. Safer. Tryte had a look of concern mixed with anger on his face. Soliyah aimed to keep her face straight, emotionless. At the moment, she was angry with Tryte. He’d interrupted her time with Ludlen, and he’d pretty much abandoned her. Twice. Once in Beroun, and again here in Efevra. Her anger was so powerful it took great effort to remain indifferent. Tryte sighed.
“I do not understand where all of this hostility is coming from, Sol,” he interrupted her thoughts. “It is as though you’ve completely lost sight of who you are, your purpose.”
“Don’t allow him to push you into losing sight of who you are.” She could hear Ludlen’s words fresh in her mind.
“Ha!” Soliyah huffed in response. “Who are you to tell me who I am? I don’t know who you are!”
“He doesn’t know you anymore, dhrehr. But I do.” And he’d kissed her. She could still feels his lips on her own. “It’s you and me.”
“How has that anything to do with my knowing you?” Tryte inquired, clearly confused. But Soliyah couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see it. Her reasons for anger were clear as day. He’d betrayed her. Put on airs, pretending to be someone he wasn’t for ages. He’d befriended her, grew to be like a father of sorts, even to Zayver. And poor Zayver would never learn the truth, though perhaps it was better that way. Tryte had been the one to tell her to leave Beroun. She’d abandoned all she’d loved at his behest. And for what? To wander the lands afraid, alone. He’d had nothing to do with finding Zerik, which had been the first relief she’d felt and experienced in so long. And now, he’d abandoned her too. Even Rivelle, the naive youngling that had followed her out of Kolrest had abandoned. The only one who seemed to understand and know the real her now was Ludlen. Her hands began to sweat. With the intimacy they were sharing, just the thought of him excited her. She wished she could go to him now.
“This is bad, Soliyah. You see that, do you not?” He waited for her to respond but she was busy remembering the feel of Ludlen’s lips on her skin. “They have called the army back and we still have no idea what the nature or source of the darkness could be.” He stopped and it caught her attention. “The darkness is a looming threat…”
“That could destroy all and everything,” Soliyah finished for him. She’d heard him say it enough times. Tryte continued to stare, but his eyes were now pleading with her. She sighed. “What do you want me to do, Tryte? Ludlen and I…” Tryte huffed and looked away. “Ludlen and I,” she repeated more sternly. “We are outraged that the High Counsel has voted to call the army back. We were certain it would go our way.”
“We? Our? Soliyah, listen to yourself.” Soliyah shrugged, feigning confusion. “Ludlen is not Sparai id Holera. It is not he who is fated to be at your side in the fight to bring back the light.” Soliyah huffed.
“What do you know of it?”
“More than you, that is certain.” He sighed. “I am at a loss, Venera.”
“Then leave me be. You’ve done it before.”
“Enough!” Tryte yelled and she had to hide her surprise and discomfort. He’d never yelled at her like that before. “I will not, nor will I ever leave you, though I may not be directly by your side.” He sighed. “You may not like it, but it has been foretold that you will face the darkness with Sparai id Holera. It is up to you in what capacity that shall be.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cannot pretend to know what has happened to you in the last several days, in your mind or heart. But like it or not, I do know you. The keepers, Ludlen, are not your allies. They are simply pawns in a larger design. They certainly believe they are of more importance, but…” Soliyah stopped listening.
“What do you know, Tryte? You’ve spent so long with your head in the clouds, imagining these prophecies, foretellings, to try and decide on the future for everyone.” She could tell by Tryte’s reaction she was upsetting him. It felt good. “But you don’t really have any way of knowing what will come to pass, do you?” She paused for dramatic effect, knowing he likely wouldn’t answer. Too embarrassed, she surmised. “Everything you’ve told me, taught me, is a lie, isn’t it?”
“Soliyah….”
“No!” She stood and he was taken aback. “ There is no way of knowing what will come to pass. I only have my instincts and heart to trust. You may not like, or agree with what I decide is right for me, but in truth, it’s none of your business, is it?”
“Sol… I cannot imagine where this is coming from. You sound so unlike yourself…”
“Or perhaps I don’t sound like the image of me you’ve kept in your mind all this time. A shame for you, but not my responsibility.” She took a deep breath. “My responsibility is to Serenians. To the light.”
“I just…”
“No!” Soliyah yelled over him. “You don’t get to “just” anymore. If I am to bring the light, defeat the darkness, I must strengthen myself and surround myself with allies I trust. Leave me!” She could see the pain and confusion in his eyes, but it quickly turned to anger.
“You have lost yourself, Soliyah.” Silence rang between them as they stared one another down. Tryte stood. “Light help us all if you do not find yourself once more, and soon.” He turned and left and Soliyah growled in frustration. She’d really wanted to have the last word.
She stomped into the hallway, eager to get back to Ludlen’s side, his warmth, his acceptance. He always knew what to say, and made her feel… safe. Again, she pictured his lips and the memory of the feel of them against her skin made her blush and smile. She quickened her step to get to him faster when a sudden pain took over her. It was like no pain she’d ever felt before. It wasn’t physical, but somehow filled her entire body. She shut her eyes trying to push it away, but it was impossible as she couldn’t quantify it. Her chest felt tight, her limbs numb, and her head had a stabbing pain. She stopped in her tracks, trying to will it away. She attempted to breathe but the pain worsened in her chest and made it very difficult. Tears filled her eyes and she tried to push them back, but failed. Her heart felt as though it were breaking. Where was this coming from, she wondered. She sped over to a balcony and yelled out in frustration, pushing her fist into her chest. The pain seemed to suddenly move from her chest to her belly. Before she even knew it, she felt as though she were going to be sick. She quickly turned and sped down the hall, as difficult as it was in her dress. She hoped she’d make it to her rooms, but knew it wouldn’t be so. Her eyes darted left and right for somewhere to be sick, but all she found was an ornate amphora in a corner ahead. Without hesitation, she ran to its side and emptied the contents of her stomach into it.
When she finally pulled herself away, her stomach muscles hurt. She gently fell to the floor, the cold stone wall felt good against her bare arms. She took a deep breath and suddenly she felt as though the walls were going to close in on her. Her mind raced, trying to make sense of the sudden sickness that had overtaken her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different. She rested her hand on her stomach and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Her body suddenly felt foreign to her, as if it held a secret she hadn’t yet uncovered.
The air in the hallway seemed to thicken as she tried to catch her breath. A sudden wave of sadness enveloped her, pulling at the edges of her consciousness. A weight of guilt settled in her chest, though she couldn’t pinpoint its origin. Memories of Tryte and Zayver in Beroun flooded her thoughts. The nights they’d spent drinking at the local tavern. The hundreds of evenings spent hunting, trying to best the previous skill and kill. The hundreds of stories Tryte had told them over a fire, with Zayver hanging on his every word.
She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she attempted to take another deep breath. The memories of Zerik flooded her mind, and the tightening in her chest seemed to double as she held back tears. Images of shared laughter and camaraderie with Zerik flashed before her mind’s eye, each memory tinged with a bittersweet longing. She missed their conversations, the unspoken connection that had once bound them together. But as the sadness intensified, so did an inexplicable sense of betrayal, a feeling she couldn’t quite rationalize. And the pain in her belly intensified. Perhaps, she wondered, she could reach out to him once more, just for a moment.
She steadied her back against the wall, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She reached out, focusing her mind on the familiar rhythm of their connection, but to her surprise, the once effortless act now felt alien, like a forgotten skill that eluded her grasp. Her stomach sent stabbing, sharp pains to her mind, but she ignored them. She had to speak with him.
Her mind, once a conduit for shared thoughts and emotions with Zerik, seemed to resist the link. It was as if an invisible barrier had erected itself, preventing her from reaching out to the friend she so desperately missed. Her brows furrowed with confusion, and a chill of fear crept into her heart.
Frantic and ignoring the growing pain in her belly, she tried to remember what simple gestures or mental exercises had effortlessly bridged the gap between their minds before, but none came to mind. And with each attempt, the connection remained elusive. The sense of disconnection gnawed at her, leaving her feeling adrift in the sea of uncertainty. The uncertainty frightened her, and she grappled with the fear that the very bond that once defined their friendship might be broken. Yes, she was angry. Yes, she felt betrayed, but she’d always hoped that link would remain.
The citadel’s walls seemed to close in around her, echoing her internal turmoil. She felt a pang of hopelessness. Perhaps Zerik had been the one to cut the link. Perhaps he truly was finished with her and she would never see him again. A feeling of isolation grew, and with each breath, the fear intensified.
She stood, attempting to take deep breaths, but the discomfort and pain in her stomach flared up again. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself and an image of Ludlen filled her mind. The pain in her belly suddenly disappeared, and her breath returned to her. She pictured Ludlen walking toward her and taking her in his arms. The pain was completely gone until Ludlen’s face morphed into that of Zerik when they pulled apart. The cramp intensified as she strained to remember every inch of Zerik’s face. She felt a smile creep to her lips, but the ache intensified and she had to bend over, pressing her palm into the pain to try and dull it.
Ludlen again entered her mind and the pain weakened. She stood at his image, with his soft touch and warm embrace, appeared in her mind like a comforting beacon. Surprisingly, as she focused on memories of Ludlen, the pain in her stomach began to subside, replaced by a sense of calm and reassurance. Surely, this was a sign.
Driven by an instinct to seek solace, she decided to find Ludlen. She navigated the citadel’s labyrinthine passaged, following the echoes of her memories and the soothing images of Ludlen in her mind. Each step brought a renewed determination to escape the shadows of discomfort that haunted her. She’d felt a pain like this a couple of times over the last several days in the citadel, but nothing this intense or terrifying.
Finally, she reached her quarters and hesitated a moment before pushing the door open. What if he wasn’t there? What if he too no longer believed in her and was to cast her aside? Suddenly, the door opened and there stood Ludlen, concern etched on his face as he took in her distressed appearance.
“Dhrehr,” he whispered as she stepped into his embrace. “Are you alright?” His arms enveloped her, offering a sense of security and understanding. The warmth of his touch seemed to dispel the lingering pain and discomfort, and she found solace in the connection they shared.
He held her gently, providing a comforting anchor in the midst of her inner turmoil. As they stood in the quiet embrace, Soliyah felt a renewed sense of strength, the pain in her stomach dissipating as Ludlen’s presence became a source of healing.
“I’m fine,” she lied, but she could feel Ludlen looking down at her, worry etched in his face.
“What happened? Why are you so distressed?” He inquired, his voice gentle but filled with genuine worry.
Attempting to conceal the true source of her turmoil, Soliyah forced a smile and replied, “It’s nothing. Just a momentary panic. I’ve been feeling a bit off today, that’s all.”
His eyes searched hers, a lingering doubt evident in his expression, but he chose not to press further. “If you need to talk about it, I’m here,” he offered.
Grateful for his kindness, Soliyah nodded. “I… it’s nothing. Tryte just… angered me is all. I’ll be fine.” She wasn’t sure why she couldn’t tell him the truth. A part of her mind simply seemed to forbid it.
Ludlen nodded, though a flicker of concern lingered in his eyes. “You know you have always share your thoughts with me, Soliyah. We’re in this together, you and I.”
As he spoke, he reached for a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. “Here,” he said, handing one to Soliyah. “Let’s take a moment to relax. I’m sure a bit of wine will help ease your mind.”
She stared down into the glass and felt her stomach turn a little. She hesitated, a subtle warning tugging at the edges of her consciousness. Something deep within urged caution, but the desire to find solace in Ludlen’s company overpowered her instincts. Dismissing the unspoken warning, she took the glass and raised it in a toast. Ludlen watching her intently, concern still lingering in his eyes. She brought the glass to her lips and a sense of unease settled within her. It was as if the very act of drinking had awakened an unsettling realization, one she couldn’t put into words.
Ignoring the warning that whispered in the recessed of her mind, she forced a smile and continued the facade, hoping that the warmth of Ludlen’s presence and the wine would drown out the disquiet that lingered within her.
“Liquid valor,” he said, smiling, and then downed his entire glass. She gave him a sort of giggle and followed suit, finishing the glass and then handed it back to him. He put the glasses back on the table and turned back to her. “Let us enjoy a quiet rest of the evening, just the two of us.” He moved closer to her and placed his arms around her waist.
“Don’t you think we need to start planning?” She asked.
“There’s time enough for that tomorrow. And the next day,” he assured her. He pulled her close and began nibbling on her ear, and kissing her neck. She felt the nerves on her neck and arms tingle as she watched the shadows from the sun’s descent play on the tapestry directly in front of her.
“I feel as though we should be working with the others to prepare…” He kissed her just below her ear and it sent shivers down her spine.
“The army will not arrive for days. And even then, they will over a spread of many. We have so little time for one another. Can we not take it now and start tomorrow?” He continued kissing her neck and moved down to her collar bone and chest. “My poor Soliyah,” he whispered and kissed her deeply on the lips. “You’ve been on the run for so long, constantly in survival mode, you know of no other way.” He kissed her again. “Allow me to instruct you…” He returned to kissing her body and she couldn’t deny the strong feelings of desire growing within her. She wanted to give in, but she also felt a tiny, irritating nerve telling her not to. She gently pushed him off of her.
“Ludlen…” she started.
As his gaze lingered on her, a palpable tension filled the air. His intentions were increasingly clear, and an unspoken desire played across his features. Soliyah, however, found herself torn between his magnetic pull and the persistent voice in her mind, warning of impending darkness and the need for preparation.
Sensing her internal conflict, Ludlen turned and poured the wine liberally, hoping to dissolve the barriers between them. He reached out, his touch gentle but insistent, as he whispered, “Sol, we’ve been through so much together. Let the worries of Serenia fade away, just for tonight. It’s time for us to find solace in each other.” The clear raw desire in his eyes was enticing and exciting. She was finding it hard to ignore.
But the voice in her mind grew louder, reminding her of the responsibilities that weighed on her shoulders - the impending return of the army, the looking darkness threatening Serenia’s fate. She hesitated, her gaze flickering between Ludlen’s intense eyes and the burden she carried.
“We only have so much time, my dhrehr,” he told her. “The rest of the world will burst in on us at any moment and we’ll likely not have another like this.” He kissed her and looked down at her once more, a devilish smile on his face. “I am not advocating inaction,” he reassured her. “Only a slight delay for… gratification,” he joked.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Ludlen,” she began, her voice carrying a tone of conviction, “we can’t afford to lose sight of the bigger picture. The army will be here soon, and we need to prepare. Our duty to Serenia comes first.”
Ludlen’s expression shifted, a mixture of disappointment and frustration clouding his features. Undeterred, he poured them more wine, his words becoming more fervent.
“You’re right,” he agreed. He smiled and she returned it with a sense of ease taking over her. She was glad he hadn’t taken offense or been hurt by her words. As angry as she was with Tryte, the desire to prove him wrong was stronger. Ludlen was indeed her ally, and together, they would navigate the oncoming battle with the darkness and succeed. “A strong foundation will lead to a more successful outcome.” He handed her one of the glasses of wine and held it up. “To defeating the darkness and bringing the light,” he announced as though to a large audience. Soliyah smiled and nodded. She took the glass and raised it to clink with his. Immediately, he gulped down his entire glass and threw it into the fireplace. He smiled, waiting for Soliyah to do the same. She gave a small sort of giggle before she too gulped down her glass of wine and threw it into the fire, breaking it into hundreds of pieces. Ludlen laughed and took her in his arms and she relished the feeling. She laughed as he suddenly lifted her and began spinning around the room. The intoxicating warmth of the wine coursed through her veins and seemed to fill her with an immense feeling of joy and passion. He finally stopped and stared into her eyes. She stared right back and couldn’t seem to stop when she felt herself pressing her lips against his. Her entire body was vibrating with such an energy as she’d never felt before. She pulled him closer but he pulled away.
“Soliyah,” he smiled at her. “I thought you…” She watched his lips moving as though hypnotized, no longer hearing his words but only desperately wanting to feel them on her again. She pulled him in and kissed him. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and he sighed as he accepted it and gave in to her. His hands fondled with the back of her dress, attempting to undo the obscene amount of ties. They moved toward the bed and she pulled him along just as much as he pushed. Clearly they both frantically wanted the other and no longer cared about whatever they’d been talking about. Soliyah’s full breath returned to her when she felt the last tie unfasten. She pulled her arms out of the sleeves and allowed for the oversized dress to fall to the floor. Ludlen attempted to step over it but nearly fell in the process and they both laughed. Soliyah felt the bed on the back of her knees and let herself fall onto it. It was soft and inviting. She looked up at Ludlen who looked down at her with such wonder in his eyes, as though he’d never seen something so beautiful. He smiled and she began to feel a little shy. How could he make her feel so much in such a short span of time, she wondered. His wavy locks fell in front of his eyes and he crawled on top of her. His deep brown eyes penetrated hers as he held his face just inches away from hers.
A strange feeling suddenly came over her, and then quickly left. And though gone, the after effects remained. She hesitated, worried she was doing the wrong thing. Hadn’t she said she wanted to work - try to keep the retreat of the army organized and prepared for the imminent darkness? She took a deep breath as though to say something, but before she could, Ludlens mouth was on hers. His body was gently atop her own, her heart racing at the feel of his chest once again against hers. His fingers, gentle and persuasive, reached out, and for a moment, she felt a need to push him away, but instead she gave in and let herself be lost in the depths of his embrace. Why couldn’t she say no to him, she wondered.
She pushed him back a bit, breaking the magnetic pull that threatened to ensnare her. She could see the sincerity in his eyes, how much he wanted her, and seemed to love her. Was it real though? She hesitated and he rolled off of her.
“Are you alright?” He asked. “Did I hurt you?” She immediately shook her head, no.
“I’m fine,” she told him. “I just…” She couldn’t find the words to explain it. They lay in silence for a moment or so, Ludlen staring down at her, and she worried that she’d insulted or hurt him.
“I can’t begin to understand how you feel,” he started and moved to her side. “But I think I can understand your doubts. However, I ask you to consider this,” he started and squeezed her arm. “We are two of the most powerful individuals in Serenia. Our influence extends far and wide. Isn’t it natural that we should be together, not only to fight this darkness but to lead our land into a new era?”
Soliyah shifted uncomfortably, her eyes flitting away. “Ludlen, you know I have no desire for power or ruling. All I want is to save Serenia.”
He began to brush the tips of his fingers along the back of her forearm. It tickled and made Soliyah tingle with pleasure. “Think about it,” he continued. “We can ensure the safety of Serenia like no one else. You are Venera Profera, destined to bring the light, and I’m… well, with my knowledge of politics and strategy, our strengths compliment each other perfectly.”
Soliyah hesitated, torn between the feeling of excitement he brought out in her and the practicality and undeniable logic in his words, and a deeply buried instinct that was warning her something was wrong. “I fear you seek more power for its own sake,” she told him, alarmed by her own words.
Ludlen stopped but then returned to tickling her. “Dhrehr,” he whispered and squeezed her to him. “It’s not about power; it’s about protecting what we hold dear. Our land, its inhabitants, our future. Together.” He turned to face her, a large smile spread across his face. “We can shape Serenia into a better place. Together.”
Soliyah didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t want to impact their affections negatively. She was enjoying his company, his companionship, and his tenderness too greatly to jeopardize it. She sighed. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
Her heart ached as she heard him sigh and watched him climb out of her bed. Within seconds she could feel her body aching for him. She could feel the cold take over where his body had provided warmth and comfort only seconds before. She began to shiver and so pulled a blanket over her naked form. She watched as he walked over to the bottle of wine and poured two more glasses. He placed the bottle back onto the table and she thought she could see his shoulders shaking. Was he crying?
“Ludlen?” She called out to him quietly. His shoulders stopped. “I…”
“I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, Soliyah,” he said. His voice sounded different than before. It sent her nerves on edge, but she ignored it. He finally turned toward her. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to accuse me of the very thing we’ve been fighting against in these walls these last few days…” he sighed. “Or, if you’re simply madly in love with me and are simply afraid of it.”
Soliyah huffed and then swallowed back a large lump in her throat. What he was saying was ridiculous. But did she have to convince herself as such? She wanted to respond but couldn’t find any words. Ludlen took up the two goblets of wine and slowly walked toward her.
“The truth is,” he held out one of the goblets to her as he climbed into the bed next to her. She watched him closely and as soon as their skin touched, a sense of relief took over her. “At this moment, I don’t quite care.” He brought the second goblet closer to her and she hesitated. He smiled. “I am deeply in love with you,” he confided and laughed a bit. He lowered the goblet, his arm tired, and took a large sip from his own, clearly uncomfortable and nervous. His expression shifted, a mixture of disappointment and frustration, or was it fear, clouding his features. “It’s true,” he confided.
A moment of silence lingered before Soliyah sighed, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. Her heart wavered as Ludlen laid bare his emotions. The confession tugged at her, and for a moment, the weight of their shared history seemed to hang in the air. “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. There was a part of her that felt like there were explosions of celebration going off in her heart. But another part was terrified. How could it all be real, she asked herself. They’d only just met a short time ago. He moved closer to her, still holding both goblets of wine.
He kissed her and she felt her resolve weakening. The lines between duty and desire blurred, and in the dimly lit room, the choice she faced seemed to echo the shadows encroaching upon Serenia. “I don’t care,” he finally said after pulling away from her. “I just need you to know.” He sighed and his smile grew wider. “I’m in love with you.” He laughed and then broke eye contact, perhaps embarrassed. He raised the goblets once more. “Let us share this last drink of the night.” She finally took the goblet he held out to her. “A night that could be our last together like this,” he took her chin in his hand and brought his lips to hers. It was the softest kiss she’d ever felt. When he released her, he took another sip of wine and encouraged her to do the same. So she did. It felt warm and coated almost the entire inside of her body.
“Ludlen, I…” She wanted to talk about what he’d just shared but the words escaped her. As the warmth of the wine spread throughout her body, she felt less hesitancy and more desire. They kissed again until he pulled away to have more of his drink. She giggled. “I can’t believe…”
“Shhhh,” he whispered and kissed her again. Once apart, he pushed the goblet up to her lips and she finished its contents. A heat spread through her body and it quickly turned to excitement. She felt it in her lips, her chest, her loins. It felt as though she were ravenous and being offered a delicious meal. This beautiful man was in love with her and what, she was just going to push him away? The room seemed to close in around them and she leapt onto him, kissing him deeply. He moaned with pleasure as she did so and wrapped his arms around her, begging to pull her even closer to him as though she couldn’t get close enough. With each touch of his fingers, his lips against hers, she found herself drawn further and further into his embrace, and her doubts dissipated like the morning mist. The fate of their world and the yearning in her heart seemed to hang in precarious balance, but none of it mattered.
Ⓒ December 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.