Bad People Suck

#12 It’s harder to be happy in a country run by bad people.

Life is a tapestry of experiences woven together by our interactions with others. These interactions can be profound, enriching, and joyful, but they can also be draining, toxic, and disheartening. At the heart of many negative experiences are bad people - those who manipulate, harm, and just cause shit. I like to call them (or at least their behavior) tornadoes - and they just want to suck you in to go for a spin with them. This post explores why bad people suck, focusing on their impact on happiness and why it’s crucial to manage these toxic influences.

Bad people, in this context, aren’t merely those who commit criminal acts. They can be bosses, leaders, politicians, colleagues, friends, or even family members who perpetuate negativity through manipulation, deceit, or abuse. Their influence creates ripples that can impact your mental and emotional well-being. A single toxic encounter can dampen your mood, shatter your confidence, or ignite anger, ultimately chipping away at your happiness.

These negative interactions often trigger a plethora of stress responses. Your body’s fight-or-flight system kicks in, leading to a rush of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, chronic stress from repeated exposure to bad people can have serious consequences on your health (I believe it’s a leading cause of cancer), increasing the risk of anxiety, depression, and even physical ailments like heart disease. 

One way bad people suck the joy from our lives is their ability to distort our sense of reality. Manipulators and narcissists are particularly adept at twisting truths, gaslighting, and playing mind games. This can leave you doubting your instincts and questioning your worth, leaving you down in the dirt, feeling worthless and begging for love and/or approval. Trust me, I’ve been there. They are also very adept at eroding trust. And trust is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, should they be personal or professional. When someone breaks that trust, especially in a dramatic (or traumatic) way, it creates a sense of betrayal, leading to emotional scars that take time to heal. The loss of trust can make it challenging to form meaningful connections, further isolating you and diminishing your capacity for joy.

If bad people are like emotional vampires…a term I actually use a lot, the best defense is a strong boundary. Unfortunately, garlic doesn’t work. Establishing clear limits on how much access these individuals have to your life is crucial. This might involve distancing yourself from toxic relationships, leaving unhealthy work environments, or seeking professional support to navigate complex family dynamics.

Setting boundaries isn’t just about keeping bad people out; it’s also about inviting positive influences in. Surround yourself with people who uplift, support, and challenge you to be your best self. These positive relationships act as a counterbalance to the negativity, providing a buffer against the stress and strain caused by bad people. 

Another critical step in reclaiming happiness is focusing on self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it’s spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing hobbies that make you feel alive. The more you nurture your well-being the more resilient you’ll become against the vampires.

Self-help literature and media have become a ubiquitous presence in our society, promising guidance on everything from productivity and relationships to mental health and personal growth. The allure of self-help is powerful, offering hope and inspiration. However, there is a danger in falling down the self-help rabbit hole - coming the material but not translating it into action. This creates a trap where you may feel like you’re making progress when, in reality, you’re stuck in a cycle of passive consumption without any real change.

Reading books, listening to podcasts, or watching motivational videos or documentaries can feel like a positive step forward, and to some extent, it is. However, without concrete steps to apply what you’ve learned, the benefits remain theoretical. This can lead to a sense of complacency, where you believe you’re working on personal growth while the underlying issues remain unaddressed.

Honestly, I could go on and on about my concerns regarding the self-help industry, but I’ll leave it for another day. Truthfully, I think it’s likely most of the ‘gurus’ who create the content for this genre, do so out of the goodness of their heart, truly hoping to help as many people as possible. And I’m certain a lot of them do help a lot of people. I just find I’ve also met a few people who are really into the genre, consuming as much content as possible, but don’t actually do the work suggested. Unfortunately, real and lasting personal growth and change takes a lot of work. But back to our original topic…bad people and why they suck.

The truly unfortunate thing is, if bad people lead your country! It’s almost impossible to get away from them and the adverse effects they have within your community. The impact on the individual and the collective happiness can be deep and long lasting. The ripple effects extend beyond personal relationships and permeate society, affecting governance, social cohesion, justice, and the overall quality of life. In such circumstances, the challenge of maintaining happiness and fostering positive change becomes far more complex. 

Bad leaders can take many forms, of course - corrupt, authoritarian, manipulative, or simply inept. When these individuals hold power, their influence can lead to a host of societal problems.

1. Corruption and Mismanagement: Corrupt leaders often divert resources for personal gain, leaving essential services like social services, infrastructure, health care, and education neglected. This mismanagement erodes public trust and undermines the potential for societal progress.

2. Suppression of Freedoms: Authoritarian leaders may restrict freedom of speech, assembly, and press, creating an environment of fear and repression. This suppression can stifle innovation, creativity, and the sense of autonomy that contributes to happiness.

3. Social Division and Conflict: Bad leaders often use divisive rhetoric and policies to maintain power, pitting groups against each other. This polarization can lead to social unrest, discrimination, and violence, creating an atmosphere of tension and hostility. It pits neighbor against neighbor and can have severe consequences.

When bad leaders are in charge, the consequences for individual and collective happiness can be devastating. People may feel disempowered, unable to influence change, and fearful for their safety and future. The sense of hope and optimism essential to happiness is often replaced with cynicism and despair.

Moreover, bad leadership can lead to economic instability and increased inequality, resulting in reduced opportunities for many people. This economic strain exacerbates stress and anxiety, further diminishing happiness. 

While the challenges of living under bad leadership are significant, individuals and communities can take steps to protect their happiness and work toward positive change:

1. Stay Informed and Engaged - Though this is never easy, knowledge is power. Staying informed about current events and understanding the policies and decisions that affect your life can only be a good thing, usually. Engage in discussions, ask questions, and seek out diverse perspectives to remain aware of what’s happening in your country.

2. Find Your Community - Connect with like-minded individuals and groups that share your values and goals. Building a supportive community can provide strength and encouragement, helping you feel less isolated and alone.

3. Advocate for Change - Participate in peaceful protests, support grassroots movements, and vote in elections - though I know this is feeling useless at this point in many places. But by advocating for change, you can contribute to a larger collective effort to challenge bad leadership and promote positive values.

4. Focus on Personal Resilience - Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, and hobbies that bring joy. I find this point especially helpful for me. Building personal resilience can help you navigate challenging times and maintain a sense of happiness despite external pressures.

5. Seek Legal and Human Rights Support - If you face persecution or discrimination, seek legal and human rights support. Many organizations work to protect individuals from unjust treatment and can provide guidance on navigating oppressive systems. Of course, that’s always easier said than done.

While bad leaders can create significant obstacles to happiness, hope is not lost. Throughout history, people have overcome oppressive regimes and brought about positive change through resilience, unity, and a commitment to justice. (Hell, look at the rebel alliance! They took down the Empire!!!) But seriously, by focussing on what you can control, and working together with others who share your vision, concerns, or beliefs, you can find happiness even in challenging times. Remember, every action toward positive change, no matter how small, contributes to the broader effort to create a more just and equitable society.

In a world where bad people can often seem omnipresent, it’s essential to remember that happiness is a choice. Boy, do I wish I’d learned that earlier in life (and it wasn’t for lack of my mom trying). By consciously removing or minimizing the influence of toxic individuals, you create space for joy, connection, and fulfillment. While you can’t always control who you encounter, you can control how much power you give them over your happiness.

So, the next time you find yourself in the company of a vampire who sucks the life out of you, remember that you have the power to walk away, set boundaries, and choose happiness over negativity.

Ⓒ May 2024. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.