Rule #15

Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean,

yet without showing any great concern for them.

At first glance, this feels refreshingly simple.

Wash your hands.

Trim your nails.

Brush your teeth.

After fleas, posture, and conversational discipline, this almost feels like a break. But then comes that final line… yet without showing any great concern for them.

And suddenly, this isn’t just about hygiene. It’s about something far more relevant.

(Side note: Is it just me or does it feel like we’ve gone in the completely opposite direction of George’s rules in this modern time???)

But really, how much of our attention should we give to ourselves - and at what point does that attention become something else entirely?

Washington’s guidance is surprisingly balanced.

Take care of yourself.

Be clean.

Be presentable.

But don’t fixate on it.

Don’t make it your focus.

Don’t make others part of your constant maintenance.

In other words… Care for yourself, but don’t be consumed by yourself.

It’s a quiet distinction, but an important one.

From Hygiene to Presence

At first, this rule might feel like a departure from the others. We’ve been talking about presence, attention, conversation, shared space, and now… nails?

But the thread is still there.

Because constant self-adjustment, whether it’s grooming, checking, fixing, or curating, pulls us out of the moment just as much as distraction does.

It says, my attention is here, but also on me.

And that split matters.

When Care Becomes Performance

Recently, I found myself watching an episode of “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives”, and I’ll admit, it stirred something in me. Not because I know that community deeply (I don’t), or because I feel I can fully speak to their experience (I can’t), but because of something larger it seemed to represent.

These women spoke about empowerment. About breaking barriers. About modern feminism. And maybe, within their world, that’s true. But what I kept noticing was how much of that “empowerment” seemed to revolve around appearance.

Women who are already genetically blessed, building platforms based largely on how they look, maintaining those looks meticulously, and monetizing them through social media and brand deals.

I found myself wondering… is this freedom? Or is it just a more refined version of the same expectation?

Because what I saw wasn’t ease. It was effort.

Time.

Energy.

Money.

All directed toward maintaining an image. 

And I couldn’t help but think about the young girls and women watching, quietly absorbing what it means to “take care of yourself,” what it means to be “successful,” what it means to be valued.

Is This What We Meant by Feminism?

I’ve always believed that at its core, feminism was about choice.

The ability for women to decide how they want to live, present themselves, work, contribute… without being confined to a narrow expectation. But somewhere along the way, it feels like that freedom has, in some cases, circled back into something else… a new kind of conformity.

A different standard, but a standard nonetheless.

One that often still centers on appearance, desirability, and presentation. Just framed as empowerment instead of expectation.

And I find myself asking, are we expanding what it means to be a woman? Or are we just redefining the same pressures?

And Then We Brought Men Into It

What’s perhaps even more telling is that this isn’t just happening to women anymore.

At some point, it seems the industries built around appearance decided they weren’t done growing, weren’t making enough money, and turned their focus toward men.

And now we see it there too.

Increasing pressure around body shape and size.

Time spent curating appearance.

Growing participation in grooming and aesthetic routines.

The normalization of constant self-improvement through physical means.

Again, none of this is inherently wrong. Taking care of yourself matters.

But the question remains the same, at what point does care become consumption? At what point does it start to take more from us than it gives?

From Self-Care to Self-Indulgence

There was a time when things like getting your hair done, getting a manicure or pedicure, and going to the spa were occasional. A treat. Something enjoyed, but not expected.

(Of course, I’m speaking to the everyday, middle and lower classes of course. I understand it was a regular indulgence for the wealthy. I’m also aware that in the past it was more common because women didn’t have the tools, resources, or skills to do some of the treatments for themselves at home - more specifically for hair, but I digress.)

But now, for many, if not most, they’ve become routine.

And even more than that, it’s something people seem to feel entitled to. Almost like it’s a necessity, or a human right. And I don’t say this with judgment, but with genuine curiosity.

If we’re constantly investing in these things… what are we expecting them to give us?

Confidence?

Worth?

Validation?

And if that’s the case… is it working?

Or are we simply being sold a version of “self-care” that keeps us consuming, without ever quite feeling complete?

Rule #15 Revisited

This is where Washington’s rule feels unexpectedly grounded…

…yet without showing any great concern for them.

Be clean.

Be presentable.

But don’t let it take over.

Don’t let your worth become tied to maintenance.

Don’t let your attention circle back to yourself over and over again.

Because the more we focus on ourselves in that way, the less room we have for everything else.

What Actually Matters

When you strip everything back, the routines, the products, the expectations, the noise, what’s left?

It’s not perfect hair, flawless skin, curated outfits, sculpted bodies.

It’s relationships, connection, kindness, love.

Including, importantly, love of self.

And real self-love doesn’t require constant adjustment.

It doesn’t demand perfection.

It allows for care, acceptance, respect, presence. Without obsession.

A More Grounded Kind of Care

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, feeling put together, or enjoying the occasional indulgence. But perhaps the invitation here is this, take care of yourself within reason. And then turn your attention outward.

Toward the people you’re with, the life you’re living, the moments you’re part of. Because those are the things that actually shape a meaningful life.

Rule #15 isn’t about neglecting yourself. 

It’s about not losing yourself in yourself.

It’s about knowing when enough is enough.

Enough care.

Enough attention.

Enough refinement.

So that you can step fully into the world, not as something to be perfected… but as someone ready to connect.

And in a time where so much pulls us inward, toward how we look, how we’re perceived, how we measure up… that quiet shift outward might be one of the most grounding forms of civility we have left.

Ⓒ April 2026. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.