Father’s Day Lesson

Father’s Day has come and gone, again. I have mixed feelings about such holidays, including Mother’s Day and what not. It seems and feels strange to me that we needed to make a holiday out of it. So, I decided to look it up. I’m not sure that was wise of me. If you don’t want me to ruin the holiday for you moving forward, please stop reading right now, dear reader.

In order to explain Father’s Day, I’d like to start with Mother’s Day first. Mother’s Day was actually the inspiration for Father’s Day, having become a commercial holiday in 1908. It all started when a little girl wanted to celebrate her mom. However, apparently there was first recorded a “Mother’s Work Days” as early as 1860. An activist, Ann Reeves Jarvis wanted to bring the divided community of her West Virginia town together and so organized a day to celebrate the mother’s work of both Confederate and Union soldiers. Fast forward a few decades when Anne’s own daughter, Anna Jarvis wanted to honor her mother by making it a national holiday.

As sweet and wonderful as that all is, when someone makes the comment or joke “it’s all a marketing and profit racket”, they’re not wrong. An association with retailers got wind of the idea and saw so many dollar signs, they officially made it a thing. In 1909, 45 states observed the holiday. And by 1914, Woodrow Wilson approved a resolution making it nationwide. Side note, it got to be so commercial that Anna began campaigning against the holiday, stating it was a originally conceived for sons and daughters to honor their mother, not buy them tacky gifts and trinkets. She worked diligently to fight against the commercialisation of the holiday to the point where she spent all of her family’s fortune on legal fees against companies and corporations that were profiting off of it. Largely destitute (due to never having profited from founding the holiday and fighting against it), she died in 1948 in a Sanitarium.

As for the campaign for Father’s Day, most of the reception was unenthusiastic. Most believed “father’s don’t have the same sentimental appeal as mother’s”. But in 1908, on July 5, a church in West Virginia held a Sunday sermon for 362 men who had died in a local Coal Mine disaster. But, it was a one-time commemoration, not an annual holiday.

A year later however, a young woman in Washington raised by a widower, wanted to establish the equivalent of Mother’s Day, but for fathers. She was successful because the state of Washington celebrated the first Father’s Day on June 19, 1910. It took a lot longer for the momentum to spread however, as it wasn’t officially made a holiday until Richard Nixon proclaimed it so in 1972. I thought that interesting. The holiday is only a decade older than me!

Apparently, there have been many occasions and attempts wherein people and groups have tried to eradicate both holidays. Some say both parents should be celebrated together on the same day. Others scoff at the holidays’ sentimentality and ridicule its commercialism for companies to sell more products and make more profits, typically paid for by the father anyway. In the 1920’s and 30’s, there was a strong Pro-Parents Day organization in NYC that seemed to be making headway until the Great Depression hit. Struggling retailers and advertisers doubled their efforts to reinforce Father’s Day and began promoting the sale of neck ties, socks, hats, pipes, tobacco, and sporting goods.

By the time World War 2 came, advertisers argued that celebrating Father’s Day was a way to honor the men fighting overseas and support the war effort. By the end of the war it may not have been a recognized holiday, but it was celebrated across the nation and picking up speed. Today, economists say over $1 billion dollars is spent on Father’s Day each year.

So, after learning all of this, what opinion have I formed? While I detest that it became less about honoring one's mother or father, and more about buying gifts. I don’t think ridding ourselves of the days is necessary. I know that I very much appreciate an opportunity to express and show my love and gratitude for the mothers and fathers in my life. And I certainly appreciate it when others express their gratitude to me. But as much as we say we should show our appreciation every day, or as much as possible, and that it shouldn’t take a holiday, I need to be realistic. I do work hard to be conscious and aware of showing my affection and gratitude to those in my life, but sometimes the hustle and bustle of life gets in the way. Work, kids, creative endeavors, health, all kinds of things distract us from what’s really important - the relationships with those we love and our community. So, what I try to do is honor them as Anna originally wanted to honor her mother. I perform acts of service and make gifts for them. I make the day (or event) about them and rarely buy them gifts from a store, unless I know it’s something they really want or need.

Honoring people is a funny thing though, isn’t it? When we try to honor someone, how do we know we’re doing it in a way that they like or appreciate? Do we follow the rules as society dictates - buying flowers (Mother’s Day, Valentines, etc.) or neckties and socks (Father’s Day)? Do we honor them how we feel it is best served and appropriate - creating a gift for them, or taking them out for an event or meal? Or do we honestly ask them how they want to be celebrated or honoured? And how do we know what they answer is what they truly desire? Sometimes it’s just easier to follow the trend, the norm, the leader. As described above, I guess it just goes to show how much our culture is driven, guided, pushed, (or whatever you want to call it) by what we’re subjected to in advertisements and marketing. So what does that say about us? I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I felt guilty and strange for not following “societal norms” but my personal values and beliefs always tell me not to. It’s tricky, isn’t it? And what is a father anyway… is there truly a definition? Because I think many people, including myself, would argue there is a huge (ENORMOUS) difference between a man whose sperm happened to reach the egg and create life, and a man who takes active responsibility for the love and care of a child. But… that’s for another post.

Happy belated Father’s Day y’all.

xo b

Ⓒ June 2023. Beki Lantos. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author.